pelangi and hujan

Pendek III

2011-12-03T23:30:00.001Z

Ambil pandangan dunia padamu itu dan lontarkan pada langit.

Kita musafir yang berkelana atau merayau atau meragau?

Penghujung kita antara langit tertinggi mahupun jurang api terdalam.

Continuum?

Pendek II

2011-11-26T20:10:00.001Z

Buat suatu perbuatan jangan kerana ikut-ikut orang.

Contoh:
Beli SLR sebab semua orang ada SLR
Beli Iphone/Android sebab semua orang ada
Pose ala-ala model sebab semua orang buat bergaya
Join persatuan-persatuan sebab kawan-kawan anda join
Nak kahwin sebab kawan-kawan anda semua nak kahwin

Colorectal yo.

2011-11-22T00:58:00.001Z

At the moment, I'm in a rotation under Colorectal Surgery in one of the main hospitals of Dublin. Since it takes 50 minutes by bus from my place, I have to be out early everyday and most of the days it means no breakfast for me. No ma'thurat jamaie as well. Not enough time to call my family as much as I would like to (my mum was like: "it seems that you're really busy this year"). And forever waiting for the bus.

But I do enjoy my rotation immensely, much better than I enjoy the lectures. (Lectures are a huge turn-off for medical degree seriously). When I get into the hospital, I keep falling in love with this road I've chosen. When you see the patients, you become addicted to them, wanting to know what ails them, what can be done for them, what they wanna say that they want people to listen to. Everyday when I look to the sky, and notice how the sun hasn't shined yet I prayed. I prayed to Allah to give His blessings for me for every second spent, for every drop of blood flowing through my veins, for every word I read and reread. And for every smile offered. And for everything. Truly being in the hospital makes you count your blessings. You'll realize how we human species are weak and have no absolute control in this life.

There are patients who never even smoke nor drink alcohol but still get rectal cancer. There are patients so young, younger than me but they have to undergo operation after operation to cut away they diseased part of colon, rectum, have to live with stoma bag for a long time, reconstruct pouches which in turn have other risks as well. And out there, healthy people waste their life away, wandering from one street to another, knocking down some pints. They thought they lived their lives. Some thought themselves pitiful and wallow in self-pity. Some just work like robots, not knowing who they are and what they should be doing in this world.

And the I step back, which one of them am I? I hope I'll be one of those who prostate before Allah, doing everything in this world just for Him.

Bahagia hidup bertuhan

[I did the Rectal examination twice, if any of you are wondering. The first one, when I pulled out my finger, the loose stool just spurted. Yeah.....I believe doctors are not meant to be s*** at all, seriously. Nothing can surprise us anymore.]

Pendek

2011-11-22T00:17:00.001Z

Ilmu itu sebaiknya membuahkan amal.

The Game of LIFE

2011-10-21T01:31:00.002+01:00

In The Name of Allah We Begin

Have you ever played video game? Have you ever been addicted to it? Like really addicted that you woke up in the middle of night, tip-toeing down the stairs, keeping your voices hushed, surrounded by the darkness, listening to the snores of everyone in the house, the rhythm of their breaths just so that you can play computer games until dawn without anybody nagging you?

Some people might have the experience, some might not, some didn't need to go to that extend to play video games because nobody cared to stop them. But everybody must have experienced the adrenaline rush from playing video game at least once. right?

A lot of people, when asked to stop playing games will answer: "But I gain something/learn something from the games!"

Its true though. I did learn a lot from playing games.

Take the Sims.
(a game which I had few times played for 7 hours straight yo)

If you do play the SIMS 2, your Sims now have Wants and Needs. The company was trying and is still trying to make your Sims as humanoid as possible. Like human, they have Wants and Needs. Cool, huh?
But a lot of times, their WANTS are really - illogical. Such as; wanting to change jobs after getting the highest spot in the current career path chosen. Or wanting to flirt with a pretty lady when the Sim is married to another Sim who's much prettier in my opinion and have the skills of a master chef. (I was like; what the heck man? are you blind? etc.) Then you begin to hate that particular Sims and decided to make new Sims instead whose story's more interesting than the previous one. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Until you're bored and switched to WoW instead.

Aren't these Sims are similar to human? (albeit imperfect unlike us in creation)
A lot of times, our WANTS are so illogical. Sometimes, we even go against our fitrah just to fulfill our hawa. We turn our backs to Allah's order and have fun doing whatever He forbids us. And we expect Allah to give everything we wish for because we basically 'deserve' it. And we expect to get into Jannah on the ticket of 2 simple phrases
لا إله إلا الله محمد رسول الله

Aren't we a laughable species?

Imagine if you have a Sim just like yourself, would you actually want to keep the Sim in your SimVillage? or would you just create a better Sim and toss the old ones into the bin?

Dan Allah-lah yang Maha Kaya sedangkan kamulah orang-orang yang membutuhkan (Nya); dan jika kamu berpaling niscaya Dia akan mengganti (kamu) dengan kaum yang lain, dan mereka tidak akan seperti kamu (ini).

(Surah Muhammad, surah 47, ayat 38)

Tapi Allah tu sentiasa Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim. Manusia itu tidak dihukum terus tetapi diberi peluang untuk bertaubat. Malah berkali-kali. Sehingga manusia melampau-lampau dan lupa akan perjanjian yang dimateri sebelum lahir ke bumi. Sedikit sekali yang memilih jalan yang penuh duri itu. Wahal jalan yang luas itu diketahui membawa ke gaung penuh denga ular berbisa. namun hanya kerana jalan yang luas itu dihiasi pohon-pohon epal yang masak ranum maka kita melangkah senang, terlupa apa yang menanti di penghujungnya.

(ok, dah termixed English and Malay)

But life is not a game.
If it is a game, we can stop playing, save the slot then continue whenever we want. But in this life, there's no such thing as Pause, Save, Shut Down, Switch On, Reload. Life goes on. every single breaths we take. Every seconds ticking by. Life goes on until Izrail comes to us. Then every single thing we've done will come back to us in a flashback.

When I played the Sims, whenever I need to do something important such as making decision for career wild card, or planning on proposing the girl of my/ my Sim's dream, I'd save first so that if anything doesn't happen with my plan, I can reverse it back by replaying.

It happened so many times (during that time when I was so addicted to the SIMS) that I wish I can reverse whatever had occured just like in Sims. Or I don't need to save this day in my database.

But there's no reverse. There's no such thing as "Nope, I'm not going to save this session because everything I planned didn't happen well. I'm going to redo it again."

Every single thing we've done is recorded. Even when you're playing the games and let the time flies away.
Nothing can be reversed.

The life of this world is nothing but a game and a diversion. The abode of the hereafter-that is truly Life if they only knew. (Qur'an, 29:64)

Know that the life of this world is merely a game and a diversion and ostentation and a cause of boasting among yourselves and trying to outdo one another in wealth and children: like the plant-growth after rain which delights the cultivators, but then it withers and you see it turning yellow, and then it becomes broken stubble.In the hereafter there is terrible punishment but also forgiveness from Allah and His good pleasure. The life of this world is nothing but the enjoyment of delusion. (Qur'an, 57:20)

*ERP... I'm not writing this to say I learn a lot from playing the Sims so you girls/guys out there can go play now. I regretted spending my late nights with Sims instead of Qiamullail. What will I do when Allah asks me about those times? Arghh....*

This world had never been able to satisfies me. I'm off finding one that will give me serenity abadan abada.

Bila awan mendung

2011-10-08T17:17:00.001+01:00

Guruh berdentum
Bumi basah dihujani air langit
Maka kami duduk betinggung
Menunggu- menanti sang pelangi
Bagai pungguk rindukan sang bulan
Tak tergapai jari-jemari kami

Gebar lusuh cokelat kelabu
Masih menjadi teman setia
Aromanya sudah kami fahami
Seumur hidup sejengkal memori

Mata yang kuyu dikatup
Sehingga suatu saat
Bila mentari hati
Membara lagi.

the sky is blue, the sun shines,

2011-08-15T01:54:00.002+01:00

the ground is hard, men have ego, what else is new?

Take a chill pill.

here's some blue sky for you.

Apparently you're not having enough of them.

ooh, and have a listen to "king of anything".
Sam Tsui version should be fine if you don't want to listen to women's voices.

Setapak lagi menemui CINTA

2011-06-19T19:38:00.000+01:00

"Janganlah mengharapkan kematian, dan jangan pula berdoa memohon kematian sebelum datang waktunya! Kerana amalnya akan terputus jika ajal menjemputnya, dan kerana umur seorang mukmin tidak akan bertambah kecuali kebaikan baginya”

Entah sejak bila, seingatku daripada saat aku mampu berfikir; aku merasakan hidup ini tidak perlu. Tiada gunanya bangunku dari tidur, sekadar untuk melihat satu hari lagi berlalu pergi. Dan esok begitu lagi. Kadang-kadang aku selalu mengimpikan aku masuk tidur di malam hari dan takkan pernah membuka mata lagi. Tak pernah sekali pun mengharapkan kehidupan yang abadi. Lebih awal penghujungnya, lebih baik lagi. Setiap tahun juga menunggu maut datang menjemput. Apalagi dengan kesihatan yang tidak pernah robust. Selalu membayangkan di mana saat mautku. di katilkah? dalam kemalangankah? Hingga menjadi satu past time untuk membayangkan kematian apakah yang akan menimpaku. (my favourite? brain cancer!!!)

Tapi, walaupun subjek afterlife sering mengiringi bayangan-bayangan kematian, ia jarang sekali menjadi fokus imaginisasi. Hingga kini, bila terfikir, baru terasa betapa diri ini hanya berfikir secara lahiriyyah. Bagaimana rupa kematian itu berbanding bagaimana akibat kematian itu. Astaghfirullah. Tuhanku, jahil sungguh hambaMu ini. Terlalu menginginkan kematian itu kerana hidup ini tidak terasa beerharga langsung. Tiada direction. Padahal sekolah agama. Padahal menghafal al-Quran. Padahal menghafal hadith. Padahal mempelajari bahasa Arab. Padahal asyik score subjek Aqidah dalam peperiksaan. Walhal diperkenalkan dengan ayat
"dan tidak kami ciptakan jin dan manusia melainkan untuk beribadah (untuk mengabdikan diri)"
sejak dari kecil lagi.

Tapi sunggu cetek ilmu itu. Tidak pernah ke hati, tidak pernah ke jiwa. Hanya berlabuh di aur minda kemudian meneruskan pelayarannya sehingga ke luar perairan akal. Benarlah kefahaman itu lebih baik daripada ilmu itu. Benarlah iman itu tidak diwarisi. Benarlah setiap diri yang mumayyiz itu dipertanggungjawabkan atas dirinya sendiri. Benarlah Islam ini bukan untuk diturunkan begitu sahaja, bukan agama nenek-moyang tapi Islam ini untuk difahami. dihayati. dihidupi. Biar sehingga setiap nafas yang ditarik itu nafas Islam. dan nafas yang dihembus itu juga Islam. Biar setiap balutan cinta itu hanya balutan cinta Ilahi. Biar setiap warna-warni yang terpalit pada kain layar hati itu warna-warni Islam. Biar setiap bab dalam hidup itu ditulis dengan kalimatuntoyyibatun islamiyyah.

Setahun lagi menjelma. Umurku bertambah lagi. Sudah semakin 'matang' usia. Jika diri ini sebatang pokok getah, matang itu bermaksud sudah boleh ditoreh untuk dikeluarkan hasil. Jika diri ini sebatang pokok jati, matang itu bermaksud sudah boleh ditebang dijadikan pasak-pasak rumah dan bangunan yang kokoh. Juga bermaksud ajal itu sudah menghampiri.

Sewaktu kita kecil dahulu, setiap kali umur bertambah kita menjadi gembira. Dapat hadiah, dapat kad, sambut hari jadi dengan kek, dikelilingi adik-beradik. Kitalah bintang di hari itu. Hari jadi kita itu HARI KITA. Tapi apabila usia makin meningkat, terasa ajal itu sedang mendekat. hampir sahaj malaikat maut itu mengetuk pintu kita, menghulurkan ajakan bertemu Tuhan. Bertemu soalan dan pengadilanNya. Adilkah kita di dunia ini? Zalimkah kita di dunia ini? Ajal itu tidak pernah menjauh, ajal itu makin mendekat setiap hari. Maka soalan yang harus ku tanya pada diri sendiri di saat umur bertambah pastilah bukan "Nak makan kek perisa apa hari ini?", tapi -
Apa yang sudah aku lakukan dalam umur ini?
Bersediakah aku untuk menjawab setiap soalan yang akan ditanya?
Cukupkah amalan baikku, cukupkah taubatku untuk menanggung dosa yang melaut?
Bersediakah aku untuk berjumpa Sang Pencipta, dan diadili berdasarkan bagaimana aku memperlaku pinjamanNya di dunia ini?

Alangkah baiknya jika aku dulu ini tanah (An-Naba') - aku harap, aku berdoa, aku merayu pada Allah. Jangan sampai akulah orang yang akan mengatakan ayat itu kelak di akhirat.

"Wahai Tuhan kami, hindarkan daripada kami azab neraka Jahannam; sesungguhnya azabnya adalah amat dahsyat". Al-Furqaan 65

post ini sepatutnya 2 bulan lepas, tapi tak pernah berjaya dihabiskan sehingga ke malam ini.
ya, dah beberapa orang cakap yang saya alami depression, but I would rather say its God's way to tell me I'm not living for naught. Thank you.

Are you an Apple?

2011-04-06T23:22:00.001+01:00

Indah sungguh cuaca pagi itu.Angin bertiup tenang.Sinaran mentari lembut menerangi alam.Tapi sayang, itu semua tidak dapat memadam kegundahan hati sebiji epal yang berada nun di pucuk.Sejak seminggu lalu epal itu asyik berfikir, kenapa aku tidak dipetik orang? Kulitku licin mulus. Warnaku merah bersinar. Sesiapa yang melihat pasti terbakar seleranya. Pasti mereka terbayang betapa manisnya rasaku.Tapi kenapa aku tidak dipetik orang?

Epal tersebut memandang ke bawah.Hairan, kenapa manusia memilih kawan-kawannya yang berada di bawah sana.Bukankah mereka tidak mendapat angin paling bersih dan cahaya paling murni seperti aku yang berada di puncak paling murni ini? Bukankah rakan-rakanku itu ada yang sudah buruk dirosakkan seranggga?

Epal tersebut bingung memikirkan kenapa rakan-rakannya yang telah pun disentuh dan dibelek-belek menjadi pilihan, bukan dirinya yang belum tercemar dan dicuit orang.Apa kurang dirinya ini? Perasaan rendah diri mula bertandang. Makin lama makin menebal, diselangi rasa kecewa dan bimbang Murungnya tidak terganggu lagi. Lalu, pada pagi yang damai dan indah itu, epal tersebut menggugurkan dirinya ke tanah.Apabila sudah berada dibawah,hatinya gembira bukan kepalang. Sedetik lagi aku akan dipilih manusia.Warna merahku yang berkilau dan kulitku yang licin mulus ini pasti mencairkan liur mereka.

Epal menanti manusia bertuah itu.Malangnya sampai ke malam, tiada seorang pun datang mengambilnya.Buahan-buahan yang tergantung mudah dicapai tangan juga menjadi pilihan orang.Yang sudah dibelek-belek, dicuit-cuit dan disentuh-sentuh juga menjadi buruan.Rasa gembira bertukar menjadi risau.Daripada risau menjadi sedih.

Siang berganti malam, hari berganti minggu.Kasihan..akhirnya epal tersebut busuk ditanah menjadi habuan ulat dan serangga perosak….

Wanita itu ibarat epal. Buah yang tidak berkualiti amat mudah dipetik.Ia beguguran di tanah.Tapi epal yang tidak mampu dipetik, berada dipuncak.Susah dipetik susah digapai.Mahkota seorang gadis adalah sifat malu.Apabila hilang sifat malu,hancurlah maruahnya.Mereka sanggup jatuhkan martabat tingginya supaya dijamah orang lain.

(moral: Memang benar wanita ibarat epal, jangan rendahkan dirimu ke tanah semata-mata untuk dipetik. Dirimu ditakdirkan Allah berada diatas kerana hanya lelaki yang betul-betul layak dan berani sahaja dapat menggapai epal yang berada dipuncak itu.Seandainya kita tidak dipilih didunia,mungkin jodoh kita nanti di syurga sana…Biarlah tiada cinta manusia, asalkan cinta Allah mengiringi....)

- disalin dari forum ni

Spinsters

2011-04-06T22:54:00.003+01:00

Ya know when Malaysia was caught up with Ayat-ayat Cinta 2 years before, I know this seems like an old reviewing session but anyway, when the novel was out, Malaysia was caught up with 'cinta "ana-anti", boys dreaming to get married with niqab-wearing women and girls hoping for Fahri to multiply himself.

Now, there's nothing wrong with niqab-wearing ladies, they have my uttermost respect. What's twisted is when the guys wanting them to be so pretty that even the stars cant beat them. Oh, being intelligent and rich too. Oh, and of course they need to be brave enough to Khadijah-propose first to man.

Okay, so we'll talk about the proposal. I know you guys out there do dream on getting proposed by ladies. Even if not much maybe a speck. It is such an ego boost especially if it is from someone's respectable, pretty and rich like Aishah in AAC. Yes, even Muhammad SAW was proposed by Khadijah. But are you that great to receive it? Probably looking at our prophet in this case is a bit unrealistic because frankly speaking no man would be able to stand on ground with him. Let's look at Fahri instead, the millenium model guy.

Both my mother and older sister read the book first before me (I stalled so much before reading it). And what did they tell me? "its unrealistic." - (now you understand how come I have such unromantic way of viewing things. My house - filled with level-headed ladies prefering to follow the head rather than the heart.) There's nobody like that guy in this world - in term of his humbleness, good heart, knowledge and social skills. And how women would throw themselves all over the ground he's walking on as if he's a reincarnation of Rasulullah or something which is IMPOSSIBLE.

So you guys probably think or used to think "oh, I should be like Fahri and wait for any brave ladies to offer me marriage."

Wait a second!

As far as I know Fahri never did approach a woman wih an offer of marriage because he felt he couldnt deserve any. And you? Thinking that you're such a good catch. Lulz. That's totally not 'Fahri'.

You might be saying "you're not Aisha either!" - nope, of course I'm not. But think about my sisters instead (not blood sisters tho). Not only they're having a terrible shortage of good men to marry, now they need to be 'perigi cari timba' as well? Yes, there's nothing wrong of perigi cari timba concept. Except that our society is not really ready for it. (and we all know how our society is so .... A young lady getting married at age of 16 caused the whole parliment flipped yet a 13 years old girl was knocked out, gave birth, threw away the baby - got nothing but a bat of eyelids. And the boyfriend? no even once mentioned/blamed. Yes, this is the world we live in). Kalau diorang meminang lelaki yang betul-betul baik tak apa lagi. Buatnya terpinang lelaki yang suka menceritakan kehebatannya, 'hot stuff' nye dia hingga ada wanita pinang kan ke dah haru? Habis satu kampung label perempuan tu sebagai x malu dan x laku. Walaupun perempuan tu mungkin kahwin lambat sebab nak habiskan belajar. Sebab masyarakat kita kan pandang senget kat perempuan yang kahwin sambil belajar. Miang, tak habis belajar lagi x sempat-sempat nak kahwin.

Enough with my rants. So to all guys out there, please don't wait for the girls to propose. Go on, if you truly likes her and READY to carry responsibilities as a husband, leader of the household (although we know pretty much that woman would most likely to control it), do what you're expected to. Please help my sisters from getting worried they'll end up as spinsters to the end of their life. (and heaven knows when they're worried, they might do stupid things)

sorry for any spelling errors. done it on ipod

akhir zaman

2011-04-06T19:38:00.000+01:00

Once Abul Aswad (AR) brought a letter which he showed to one of his students
and said, ' I bear witness that this letter was dictated by Ali bin Abi
Taalib (RA) to Abul Aswad: When men (i.e. homosexuals) will sexually satisfy
themselves with men and women (i.e. lesbians) with women, then earthquakes
will occur, faces will become transformed and stones will rain down from the
skies.'

Allah knows me when nobody does

2011-03-27T22:22:00.001+01:00

When you feel all alone in this world

And there's nobody to count your tears

Just remember, no matter where you are

Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load

And you wonder how far you can go

With every step on that road that you take

Allah knows

CHORUS

No matter what, inside or out

There's one thing of which there's no doubt

Allah knows

And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth

Every star in this whole universe

Allah knows

When you find that special someone

Feel your whole life has barely begun

You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone

Allah knows

When you gaze with love in your eyes

Catch a glimpse of paradise

And you see your child take the first breath of life

Allah knows

CHORUS

When you lose someone close to your heart

See your whole world fall apart

And you try to go on but it seems so hard

Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose

Through the valleys and hills we go

With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown

Allah knows

CHORUS (x2)

BRIDGE:

Every grain of sand,

In every desert land, He knows.

Every shade of palm,

Every closed hand, He knows.

Every sparkling tear,

On every eyelash, He knows.

Every thought I have,

And every word I share, He knows.

Allah knows

tum challo, to islami chale

2011-02-23T01:37:00.001Z

Cantik ke I?

2011-02-18T22:05:00.013Z

Kakinya melangkah masuk dewan itu. Semua mata tertumpu pada sang baju merah. Mengagumi, tidak kurang juga yang kurang senang. Cemburu mungkin.

"wau! cunnya malam ni!"

"Baju merah ni memang sesuai dengan kulit U yang putih melepak. eh silap, dengan foundation U yang putih melepak."

"ala, macam tak biasa, I kan Timah anak dara Pak Dolah. Ratu cantik sekolah." getus hati Timah sambil berpura-pura tersipu malu. Baru mereka tahu siapa Timah!

CANTIK

cantik, jelita, cun, anggun, menawan, ayu, dll

semuanya menjadi sinonim dengan wanita, sepertimana bunga dan wanita.

title-title yang highly coveted antara wanita.

Kalau ada orang kata dia cantik hari tu, sehingga ke mimpi la boleh masuk orang tu.

Apa yang diertikan dengan cantik?

Mata besar,

bulu mata panjang melentik,

tulang pipi tinggi,

hidung mancung,

bibir bak seulas durian,

dahi sederhana luas,

lesung pipit yang sebenarnya bifid zygomaticus major muscle,

dagu yang terbentuk,

rambut yang berkilat.

Itu ke cantik? Tapi ada orang yang ada semuanya tetapi tetap tak cantik.

Ada orang cantik secara semula jadi. (tapi kena maintain)

Ada orang yang cantik sebab make-up.

Debenhams has discovered that British women carry a staggering GBP256 worth of make-up in their handbags every day.

Woah... banyak GBP256 tu. Boleh bayar 1/2 tambang balik raya. Tapi memang hebat la make up, sebab boleh ubah penampilan orang. Video ni:

(kepada lelaki: sila jangan tertipu dengan make-up wanita)

Ada yang cantik sebab cara dia berpakaian. Itulah timbulnya kumpulan cam scarflet la triplet la quadruplet la bla bla bla bla. Snood la.

Ada orang yang struggle sangat-sangat nak sentiasa cantik. racun tikus atau lebih glamour lagi namanya Botox pun sanggup dicucuk. sanggup letak filler, isi silicone. Tak cukup-cukup dengan nikmat yang Allah bagi. Bukan jadi cantik pun,

Tengok, cantik ke?

dah macam bukan rupa orang dah =_=

Kenapa perempuan gilakan sangat title cantik itu? Kalau orang kata kita cantik, adakah kita kan lebih berjaya? Kalau orang semua rasa kita cantik, adakah kita akan pass exam? Atau lebih tepat lagi, kalau kita ni cantik, adakah Allah masukkan kita dalam syurga sebab kita cantik?

Kalau cantik, selalu dipuji, selalu dingurat, gembira pula tu dengan semua itu - tak takut ke dengan bahaya sifat ujub? Tak takut ke dengan kehormatan yang tercela bila lelaki-lelaki yang ada penyakit di hati mereka merasakan anda attainable? Bangga pulak tu. Masalah.

Rasulullah saw bersabda:
“Tidak akan masuk syurga bagi orang yang ada dalam hatinya walau sebesar zarah sifat sombong.”
Abuya Syeikh Ashaari berkata: “Orang sombong itu ialah orang yang membesarkan diri kerana hati merasakan diri mempunyai kelebihan, keistimewaan dan kehebatan.”

Masalah yang muncul apabila wanita layu, cair dan meleleh apabila dipuji cantik oleh sang lelaki

kalaupun seorang lelaki memilih kita menjadi surinya kerana cantiknya kita, ingatlah bila kita dah berkedut nanti, kita dah tak cantik. Kalau suami pilih kerana cantik, tak mustahil suami dispose kita kerana dah tak cantik atau jumpa yang lebih cantik. Apalah gunanya cantik wajah, akan jadi tua berkeriut, berkedut jugak.

Maka yang paling penting itu hati dan akhlak kita. Kalau keduanya cantik, Insya-Allah di sisi allah, kitalah yang disayangi. Buat apa Allah nak masukkan syurga berdasarkan cantik? Kan allah yang bagi cantik ke tak. Tak adil la Allah kalau Allah dah pilih orang tu buat dia jadi cantik, masukkan dalam syurga lagi walhal orang yang Allah tetapkan tak cantik dipinggirkan. Bukan itu sifat Allah. Allah Maha Adil, Lagi Maha Kaya.

2011-01-28T23:09:00.001Z

hati berdegup kencang.

Ya Allah selamatkanlah mereka.

2010-12-31T18:32:00.002Z

"penulis yg byk menulis dari membaca adalah penulis yang bankrupt"

aduh. terasa! sangat kurang membaca sekarang ni. Terlalu sikit buku yang berjaya dikhatam dan diHAyaTI.

Macamana nak jadi penulis yang tulisannya menyentuh jiwa kalau buku-buku yang dibaca hanyalah buku aristokrat dan buku-buku yang merendahkan martabat wanita?

macamana nak jadi penulis kalau wikipedia lah sumber utama?

Kudaku lari gagah berani pt 2

2010-11-30T21:10:00.001Z

selepas terlalu lama bertangguh *________*

itulah, lain kali ada idea mesti tulis cepat-cepat sebelum ghaib.

Dingin malam begitu mencengkam hinggakan api yang marak di hadapan mata tidak mampu membantu lagi. Subhanallah, Maha Suci Allah. Allahu akbar, Allah Maha Besar. Dia saja satu-satunya pelindung manusia. Sepertimana firman Allah dalam surah Quraisy:

"Kerana kebiasaan orang-orang Quraisy, (yaitu) kebiasaan mereka bepergian pada musim dingin dan musim panas. Maka hendaklah mereka menyembah Tuhan Pemilik rumah ini (Ka`bah).Yang telah memberi makanan kepada mereka untuk menghilangkan lapar dan mengamankan mereka dari ketakutan."

Benar. Sedangkan nabi Adam mendapatkan api secara langsung dari langit, daripada Tuhannya Allah swt untuk menghilangkan dingin yang menghantuk tulang-tulang ketika persinggahannya di dunia ini apatah lagi kita warisan Adam. Tidak sehebat Adam. Adam manusia syurga dan kita? Belum lagi menghirup bau harum syurga. Maka apakah daya manusia sehingga sanggup menidakkan kewujudan Tuhan jauh sekali mengesakan Allah Illahun Ahad?

Talibah menggelengkan kepala. Terkenang di pasar-pasar, pabila manusia yang menidakkan Ilah disanjung, diangkat tinggi dan didewa-dewakan. Sanggup mereka mengatakan Tuhan tidak wujud. Padahal kejadian mereka sendiri tidak pernah mereka ketahui dengan yakin. Padahal pengetahuan mereka hanyalah setitis dari lautan ilmu Allah al-'Alim. Dengan sombongnya mengaku tiada Tuhan. Dengan sombongnya mengatakan manusia lahir kerana kebetulan. Kebetulan bersandarkan ilmu ramalan. Ilmu lagi. Ilmu itulah dewa, ilmu itulah sembahan, ilmu itulah penentu segalanya, di langit dan di bumi. Astaghfirullahal 'azim. Talibah mengucap panjang - bergetar hati, perasaan bercampur baur. Kecewa, marah dan kesal. Mengapa mereka yang dikatakan berilmu sanggup menjadi tin-tin kosong? Tin-tin kosong yang hanya bisa berbunyi pabila ditendang di tepian jalan. Tiada nilainya. Sekadar bunyi membingitkan telinga tetapi tiada hasilnya. Astaghfirullah. Jangan jadikan aku begitu, Ya Rabb. Ya muqallibal qulub, thabbit qulubana 'ala dinik. Pilu hati Talibah. Takut mencengkam jiwanya, Talibah si pencari ilmu.

gambar

2010-11-26T19:50:00.003Z

jalan-jalan

2010-11-24T23:28:00.002Z

A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intend on arriving - Lao Tzu

Lao-Tzu, saya mahu jadi pengembara begitu. Saya mahu jadi seperti Ibnu Battuta, mahupun Marco Polo. Berjalan tanpa sempadan. Seorang diri mengembara, seorang diri mencari dan terus mencari lagi. Berjalan hingga penat, berhenti dan mengamati dunia ciptaan Ilahi. Dan berjalan lagi bila lelah sudah tidak terasa.

Tapi saya tidak mampu. Perubahan zaman menghalangnya. Tanggungjawab disandang di bahu saya. Takdir menetapkan saya tidak boleh. Astaghfirullah. Betapa tidak bersyukurnya saya ketika ini. Tetapi ini yang saya rasakan sekarang. Ampunkan hambaMu Ya Allah. Memohon apa yang tidak mungkin. Memohon apa yang mungkin tidak sanggup saya hadapi. Sedangkan Kau tahu apa yang lebih baik untuk setiap benih yang bertumbuh, dan akhir setiap helai daun hingga ia menguning dan gugur. Setiap darjah berpusingnya angin. Setiap saat air mata bergenang. Setiap detik hati yang bergema. Setiap jiwa yang merindu. Setiap diri yang mencari. dan terus mencari lagi. dan setiap mata yang buta, jiwa yang berpaling lalu ditutup. Astaghfirullahal-'Azim.

Tuhan, aku tidak cukup kuat untuk ini. Patutkah aku mengundur? Patutkah aku larikan diri? Patutkah aku meneruskan perjalanan ini? Padahal ada hantu yang akan dihadapi? Atau mungkin hantu itu hanya ilusi untuk diriku? Tuhan, kau lebih Mengetahui.

Tin kosong

2010-11-06T16:38:00.001Z

X tahu apa yg tidak diketahui
X mahu mencari apa yg x diketahui
Sombong.

Dan kejahatan itu tempat selayaknya bg org yg sombong. Betulke? Tapi org sombong juga hamba Allah.

What I'm listening to right now

2010-10-26T22:02:00.002+01:00

Ya Rabbi beri kami
Cahaya penerang digelapnya hati
Jauh sudah langkah kaki
Lewati jutaan detik tak kembali

Ilahi ampuni kami
Dosa-dosa mewarnai diri
Hati lupa kadang terlena
Mimpi dunia menggoda sang jiwa

[*]
Andai waktu memanggilku
Berharap tersenyum di akhir masaku
Maafkanlah ampuni diriku
Hati 'kan memohon di kemahaan-Mu

[**]
Tangan ini hati ini
Hari-hari berlalu 'kan jadi saksi-Mu
Dan tak bisa ku sembunyi
Suka duka nestapa tiada hati bisa berdusta

Opick ft FLO Andai Waktu memanggil

Sobs. kenapa orang Indonesia sungguh halus sekali bahasanya?

cerita?

2010-10-14T21:30:00.002+01:00

dulu, aku selalu tulis cerita. macam-macam cerita. ada cerita fantasi, ada cerita magik-magik, ada cerita superhero, ada cerita manusia biasa. dari bangsa melayu, cina dan jepun. juga ada bangsa pelik-pelik.

balik hari tu. MALAYSIA. kemas bilik dan jumpa satu kotak penuh dengan buku-buku tulis. Setiapnya ada cerita bertulis. Ketawa sendiri bila baca.

Adik aku. "Kak **** tulis cerita x pernah habis. Tensyen kitorang!"

Betul. Aku banyak tulis cerita. Dan tak semua cerita berjaya ditulis sehingga ke hujung jalan. Kenapa?

Sebab aku tak suka menulis penghujung. Penghujung yang kita tak nampak. Kalau aku menulis cerita magik, adakah aku patut menyudahkannya dengan ending happily ever after? Tapi terma itu tidak pernah wujud secara realitinya. Sudah sunnatullah hidup manusia penuh dengan cabaran. Lepas satu-satu akan mendatang. Kalau pengakhirannya dibuat dengan suram dan sedih? Ketahuilah bahawa setiap kesusahan itu akan disusuli dengan kesenangan.

Jadi cerita tidak pernah habis.

Adakah nasib manusia sehingga takat dia bertemu jodohnya dan hidup bahagia selama-lamanya? atau hingga dia menghembuskan nafas terakhir? Itukah pengakhiran kita?

You know the answer.

Kudaku lari gagah berani pt 1

2010-07-13T15:20:00.005+01:00

aku bukan pengkarya yang agung, bait-bait perkataanku canggung tidak berlagu, tidak berirama.

aku hanya seorang penglipur lara, mengasyikkan manusia dengan hikayat-hikayat.

banyak kata-banyak dosanya. tapi tanpa kata-kata, kita akan hilang, lupus.

akan ku karutkan secarik hikayat, mohon dipandu Allah swt.

THUMP!!!

Panahan tepat merobek perut helang yang sesaat sebelumnya terbang gagah. Taqdir Ilahi, helang gagah rebah menyembah bumi. Seperti Fir'aun diberi nikmat kekuatan dan kekuasaan namun akhirnya ditenggelami lautan masin, terawet sepanjang zaman buat ingatan dan amaran. Untuk kita, kita semua.

Kencang, kuda hitam itu berlari, membawa tuannya mengejar helang. Sebelum nyawanya diambil malaikat maut, wajib disembelih urat mari' dan halqumnya. Talibah tahu itu. Dari zaman orang tua-tuanya, bukan, dari zaman Adam lagi, begitulah caranya. Umat Muhammad tahu itu. Umat Adam juga. Umat yang menyembah Ilahi rabbi azza wajalla. Ilahun ahd.

Matanya tertancap pada helang yang masih menggelupur kesakitan. Simpatinya tumpah. Talibah tahu dia harus segerakan tugasnya, membebaskan hamba Allah yang berzikir dalam setiap nafasnya itu daripada kesakitan. Mujur sudahku asah pisauku di pagi-pagi, getus hatinya. Tangkas sekali dia menuruni Black. Helang dicekup. Urusannya harus disegerakan.

* * * * *

Disuguhkan kayu buat makanan api. Itu dunia, kayu-kayu kecil buat memulakan api, kayu-kayu besar buat api yang marak. Akhirat kelak, manusia-manusia menjadi bahan bakar untuk api yang marak tidak pernah padam. Api yang teguh melaksanakan perintah Tuhannya. Tidak bermakna api di dunia tidak taat. Setiap ciptaan di dunia ini taat dan patuh kecuali kita yang berakal dan bernafsu. Talibah tahu itu. Didengarinya sejak zaman kanak-kanak. Dibacanya dalam buku-buku abinya. Kitab-kitab usang kekuningan. Kitab-kitab yang diteliti abinya sehingga lena datang. Kitab-kitab yang diteliti umminya sehingga lena datang. Kitab-kitab yang dipandang sepi kadang-kadang. Tidaklah dia tahu jika Usu juga menilik kitab-kitab itu. Usunya diam-diam ubi berisi. Tiada siapa tahu apa di dalam buku hatinya. Talibah juga begitu, bahkan seluruh ahli keluarganya begitu. Cermin ahli silap mata yang menunjukkan apa yang mahu dilihat mereka diluar namun tidak sekali diperlihatkan apa yang tersembunyi.

Talibah merenung jauh. Hamparan padang pasir itu begitu kosong di mata. Hanya pasir dilihatnya. Pasir,pasir, dan pasir lagi sehingga ke hujung sana. Kalaulah bumi ini empat segi sperti yang pernah disahkan dan dipertahankan gereja berzaman dahulu, pastilah hujung sana adalah sisinya, diterjun akan jatuh. Namun bumi itu bulat, Galileo Galilei menegaskan berkali-kali. Seribu orang memaksanya merubah fikiran, kembali ke ajaran-ajaran nenek moyang namun tidak mampu membutuhkan hasil. Akhirnya Galileo mati mempertahankan bahawa bumi itu bulat, tidak bersegi. Bumi itu sfera, tiadalah hujungnya. Oh, Galileo! Satu hari nanti bumi yang bulat ini akan jadi rata. Ya, Talibah tahu itu. Jikalau Galileo tahu, apakah akan dikatanya? Galileo yang mati mempertahankan kebenaran. Galileo si pencari kebenaran. Diselitkan doa agar Galileo sebenarnya Islam, atau dalam erti kata lain pengikut Nasrani suci di sisi Tuhan. Pengikut Nabi Isa al-Masih. Kerana Galileo gigih mencari kebenaran. Hidayah itu datang dari NYA, untuk membawa hamba-hamba pulang kepadaNYA. Talibah tahu itu.

I only feel guided when I’m free to question why

2010-07-13T14:56:00.002+01:00

Briskly, rising to the sky.
Cold, clouds rushing past.
Flying, hopes to never land.
Light. Streatching out my hand.

Out seeing the fields.
What is a dream and
can you tell me what is real?
Everyone else is home in bed,
and I’m out here lost in my own head,
out seeing the fields.

Freeze, crystal on the bridge.
Trees. Frozen diamond leaves.
Ice, stiffening the wheat.
Wind, underneath my feet.

I only feel close to you when I’m under open sky.
I only feel guided when I’m free to question why.
Only when I smell the earth upon my face,
will I ever be free to fly from this place.

Morning, wings against the ledge.
Frost trees painted on the glass.
Snow, covering the streets.
Home, warm beneath my sheets.

DawudWharnsbyAli- Out SeeingtheField

Kenapa Bertudung Labuh

2010-07-09T14:12:00.004+01:00

Tudung Labuh - Pengalaman menarik Fatimah Syarha, penulis novel Seindah Mawar Berduri dan Musafir Syabab Kasih, menerusi kolum Remaja Majalah Solusi isu no 21.

"Akak, kenapa akak pakai tudung labuh?"

Soalan ini sudah banyak kali dilontarkan oleh remaja kepadaku. Adik bongsuku, Asiah Yusra yang sedang mekar meniti usia remaja, turut bertanya. Melihat wajahnya yang saling tidak tumpah dengan iras wajahku, aku terasa bagaikan sedang melihat diriku sendiri. Aku pernah remaja dan terpesona melihat kakak sulung bertudung labuh. Kufahami, remaja bertanya kerana mereka sedang tercari-cari identiti diri.

Kali pertama aku memilihnya sebagai imej diri ketika usiaku remaja. Saat itu, aku bertudung labuh kerana keindahannya menghiasi wanita-wanita berakhlak mulia yang kukenali. Ibuku, kakakku, kakak-kakak naqibahku, ustazah-ustazahku semuanya bertudung labuh. Hingga aku mensinonimkan tudung labuh itu dengan keindahan, keperibadian dan kebaikan. Walaupun aku turut mengenali teman-teman bertudung labuh yang akhlaknya bermasalah namun aku masih menemui keindahan jiwanya, ingin menjadi lebih baik. Hari ini, aku memilih tudung labuh kerana aku yakin ia lebih istimewa pada pandangan-Nya.

Ketika remaja, aku hampir tidak sedar banyak pertanyaan yang terpendam. Mungkin saat itu aku tidak tahu apa yang aku perlu tahu. Hinggalah persoalanku terjawab satu demi satu. Hikmah bicara kakak-kakak naqibahku menerangkan pelbagai soalan yang kutagihkan pengertian. Yang paling kuingati, Kak Siti Aisyah Mohd Nor (kini merupakan bidadari kepada seorang tokoh agama terkenal). Jasa kalian selamanya harum dalam ingatan.

Yang Tertutup Itu Indah

Ketika kubertanya tentang tudung labuh, mudah jawapan yang pernah kuterima, "Yang tertutup itu indah!" Jawapan yang membawaku mengkaji surah al-Ahzab ayat 59, maksud dan tafsirannya.

Firman Allah s.w.t. yang bermaksud: "Wahai Nabi, katakan kepada isteri-isterimu, anak-anak perempuanmu, dan isteri-isteri orang mukmin, `hendaklah mereka melabuhkan jilbab ke seluruh tubuh mereka. Yang demikian itu supaya mereka mudah dikenali sebagai wanita baik agar mereka tidak diganggu.'"

Ya, sedangkan buku yang kita sayangi, kita sampulkan seindahnya. Inikan pula bentuk tubuh wanita, takkan tiada sampulnya? Kuperhatikan kulit bukuku yang bersampul lebih terjaga berbanding kulit bukuku yang tidak bersampul. Kuperhatikan langsir yang cantik menghias pintu dan tingkap. Kuperhatikan kain yang mengalas meja dan perabot. Benar, yang tertutup itu indah! Begitu juga cara Allah menghargai keindahan wanita dengan menggariskan perbatasan aurat. Agar keindahan itu hanya dinikmati oleh insan yang berhak. Bukannya diratah-ratah oleh pandangan yang sakit.

Istimewa Bertudung Labuh

Di sini, aku tidak mahu berbicara panjang tentang kewajipan menutup aurat. Apa yang ingin kukongsi di sini adalah tentang beberapa peristiwa dalam hidupku yang membuatkan aku berasa tudung labuh itu benar-benar istimewa. Allah banyak kali menyelamatkan dan memudahkan urusanku dengan asbab tudung labuh.

Dikejar Tebuan Tanah

Dalam satu program motivasi remaja, aku menyertainya sebagai salah seorang fasilitator. Antara aktiviti yang dilakukan ialah jungle trekking. Aku mengetuai barisan remaja puteri yang siap sedia memasuki hutan. Taklimat dan doa dimulakan.

Menderap ke tengah belantara, tiba-tiba peserta puteri paling depan terlanggar sarang tebuan tanah. Tebuan tanah berterbangan garang. Sedia menyerang. Peserta itu menjerit kesakitan kerana disengat. Peserta di belakangnya turut menjerit ketakutan. Aku yang turut berada di barisan depan ketika itu melaungkan takbir. Lantas mengarahkan peserta yang lain berundur. Mereka bertempiaran lari.

Sementara aku tetap bertahan di situ. Kututup sebahagian wajahku dengan tudung labuhku. Tangan turut kusembunyikan di bawah tudung labuh. Kulindungi beberapa peserta yang terkepung dengan tudung labuhku agar tidak disengat lagi. Segera kubawa mereka berundur. Ajaibnya, seekor tebuan pun tidak berjaya menyengatku. Subhanallah! Maha Suci Engkau yang menyelamatkan aku dengan secebis kain buruk ini.

Terlindung daripada Mata Mat Rempit

Suatu hari, aku ingin pulang ke kampusku di UIA setelah bercuti pertengahan semester di kampung halaman. Seperti biasa, aku membeli tiket bas dan berusaha mencari bas yang mempunyai tempat duduk seorang. Request. Ini penting bagi mengelakkan aku terpaksa bermalam di dalam bas dengan bertemankan seorang lelaki asing di sebelah.

Akhirnya kumembeli tiket dengan sebuah syarikat bas yang belum pernah kunaiki . Sebelum menaiki bas, aku berpesan kepada pemandu kedua agar menurunkan aku di Greenwood. Semua mata terlena melepaskan kelelahan hidup dengan mengembara ke alam mimpi yang seketika. Kedengaran sayup-sayup suara pemandu bas mengejutkan aku dari tidurku. Lantas aku terjaga separuh sedar. Ketika itu, aku duduk di kerusi seorang paling depan, tidak jauh dari pemandu.

Jam baru menunjukkan pukul 4.30 pagi. Badanku amat penat dan urat kepala terasa merenyuk. Aku bangkit dari kerusiku dalam keadaan mamai menuruni bas. Ketika berada di luar bas, aku masih sangat mengantuk. Terasa secepat kilat bas meninggalkanku.

Ya Allah! Aku terkejut kerana hanya aku seorang yang menuruni bas. Lagipun, tempat bas itu memberhentikan aku bukannya tempat perhentian bas di Greenwood seperti kebiasaan. Aku langsung tidak mengenali tempat itu. Tiada peluang untukku bertanya atau membatalkan saja tempat perhentian itu. Nyata aku sudah terlewat. Asap bas pun sudah tidak kelihatan.

Aku berada di sebuah perhentian bas. Jalan raya di hadapannya lurus. Lengang. Sunyi. Kawasan sekitarnya adalah kawasan perumahan yang sedang bergelap. Jalur-jalur cahaya hanya sedikit. Kupandang ke belakang dan mendapati tidak jauh dari situ terdapat sebuah masjid. Namun, ia kelihatan gelap. Sunyi. Kelihatan seekor anjing berwarna hitam, besar dan garang sedang berlegar-legar di luar pagar masjid. Ya Allah, pada-Mu aku bertawakal.

Aku segera menelefon kenalan rapatku, Puan Norliza Mohd Nordin untuk mengambilku. Pada masa yang sama, mataku melilau mencari kayu atau besi yang akan kugunakan sebagai senjata seandainya anjing itu mendekatiku.

"Di mana?" Tanya Puan Norliza. Susah-payah aku cuba menerangkan lokasi yang asing itu. Tambahan pula, aku tidak dapat melihat papan tanda yang menunjukkan nama masjid. Kehadiran anjing itu membuatkan aku tidak berani menghampiri masjid. Sukar Puan Norliza mentafsirkan lokasi aku berada.

Tiba-tiba, sekumpulan samseng jalanan dengan pelbagai aksi motosikal yang berbahaya berhenti beramai-ramai di seberang jalan tempatku berada. Bagaikan ada mesyuarat penting di situ. Aku tiada tempat bersembunyi. Apa yang mampu kulakukan adalah tetap berdiri di tempatku dan membaca segala ayat al-Quran yang pernah kuhafal. Tawakalku memanjat langit dunia. Kebetulan, aku berjubah hitam dan bertudung labuh warna hitam. Aku menggunakan kesempatan itu untuk menyembunyikan diriku di balik warna malam. Cebisan kain turut kututup pada wajahku yang berkulit cerah.

Saat yang amat mendebarkan dalam hidupku, kelihatan anjing yang garang sedang berlari ke arahku. Kupujuk hati, anjing itu akan baik padaku kerana ia tidak menyalak. Samseng jalanan pula seakan sedang memandang-mandang ke arah lokasiku. Ketika itu, aku mengucapkan dua kalimah syahadah berkali-kali. Aku siapkan emosi untuk berjihad mempertahankan diri. Biar nyawa jadi taruhan, menyerah tidak sekali!

Allah menjadi saksi. Aku bagaikan tidak percaya apabila melihat anjing itu sekadar melintasiku seolah-olah langsung tidak melihatku di balik kegelapan. Walau bagaimanapun, aku masih resah melihat samseng jalanan asyik memandang ke arahku. Aku bertambah risau membayangkan Puan Norliza mungkin tidak dapat mengagak lokasiku itu kerana dia asyik menelefonku. Tiba-tiba samseng jalanan itu beredar. Bunyi ekzos mengaum pergi, pelbagai aksi. Mereka seakan-akan memandang dengan pandangan yang kosong sahaja ke arahku sebentar tadi. Puan Norliza pula sampai, menambahkan syukurku. Hatiku yakin, Allah telah menyelamatkanku di balik tudung labuh berwarna gelap itu. Alhamdulillah!

Menyelamatkan Beg Tanganku daripada Ragut

Seorang temanku dari Brunei sudah beberapa hari tidak datang ke kelas sarjana. Aku risaukan keadaannya. Apabila dia datang kembali, aku segera bertanya. Dia menunjukkan pipinya yang calar sambil bercerita dengan juraian air mata.

Dua orang pemuda yang menunggang laju meragut beg tangannya. Dia ikut terseret. Ketika itu pula dia sedang mengandung dua bulan. Hampir-hampir keguguran. Kedua-dua lututnya terluka. Pipi dan tangannya tercalar. Berdarah.

Aku sedih mendengar ceritanya. Dia memegang hujung tudungku sambil menyimpulkan, "Jika akak pakai tudung labuh macam ni, tentu diorang tak nampak beg tangan akak." Kata-kata itu membuatkanku benar-benar berfikir jauh. Aku bersyukur kepada Allah s.w.t. kerana tidak pernah menjadi mangsa ragut. Baru aku sedar, rupa-rupanya antara faktor yang menyelamatkanku adalah kerana beg tanganku sentiasa tersembunyi di bawah tudung labuh. Cuba anda bertanya kawan-kawan anda yang menggalas beg tangan di bawah tudung labuh, pernahkah mereka menjadi mangsa ragut?

Mendekatkan Jodoh dengan Lelaki Soleh

Aku hairan melihat beberapa orang temanku yang mulanya bertudung labuh tapi akhirnya menukar penampilan kerana takut tidak dipinang. Aku hormati penampilannya selagi masih menutup aurat namun jika itu alasannya, dia mungkin tersilap. Aku yang tetap bertudung labuh ini juga akhirnya yang agak cepat menerima pinangan.

Suamiku mengakui antara faktor yang meyakinkannya pada agamaku saat memilih bunga untuk disunting adalah kerana nilai tudung labuhku. Wanita bertudung labuh lumrahnya hanya berani dirisik oleh lelaki yang mempunyai persiapan agama. Jika malas hidup beragama, mereka akan berfikir beribu kali untuk memiliki seorang suri yang bertudung labuh. Rasa tidak layak. Rasa perlu membaiki diri terlebih dahulu.

Pernah juga aku dan suami cuba memadankan beberapa orang temanku dengan lelaki-lelaki soleh yang kami kenali. Apabila biodata bertukar tangan, gadis bertudung labuh rupa-rupanya menjadi kriteria penting seorang lelaki soleh. Malang bagi temanku yang sebenarnya baik dan berbudi bahasa, namun kerana penampilannya itu melambatkan jodohnya.

Benar, kita tidak boleh menilai seseorang hanya melihat luarannya. Namun, realitinya, kadang kala masa terlalu singkat dan peluang tidak ada untuk kita mengkaji dalaman seseorang sehingga terpaksa menilainya hanya melalui luarannya. Contoh realiti, jika kita ingin membeli nasi lemak di gerai. Kelihatan penjual di gerai yang pertama ialah seorang makcik bertudung labuh. Penjual di gerai kedua pula seorang wanita tidak bertudung dan rambutnya menggerbang lepas. Mana yang kita pilih? Kenapa cepat membuat pilihan sebelum mengkaji dalaman kedua-duanya dahulu? Apa nilaian kita ketika itu? Fikir-fikirkan.

Hormatilah Selagi Masih Menutup Aurat

Ya! Ya! Ya! Kudengari suara-suara hatimu yang sedang berbisik, "Ramai saja yang bertudung labuh tapi tak baik." "Tudung tak labuh pun masih tutup aurat." "Don't judge people by its cover." Kuhormati semua kata-kata ini sepertimana kuhormati dirimu yang masih bertudung. Alhamdulillah. Aku cuma berkongsi secebis pengalaman dalam hidupku yang menyebabkan kurasakan tudung labuh terlalu istimewa. Buat adik-adik remaja yang pernah bertanya, akak harap adik menemui jawapannya.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......

Sejak kecil, Abah sangat melarang saya memakai tudung tiga segi yang labuhnya sedikit cuma dari bahu. Tapi kerana biah saya di MRSM yang mewajahkan tudung labuh sebagai jumud, saya protes.

Saya mula bertudung labuh dengan kerelaan sendiri sejak mendaftarkan diri ke Matrikulasi pada 15 Mei 2006. Dimulakan dengan tudung empat segi bidang 60.

Kenapa saya melabuhkan tudung?

Saya takut melihat iklan-iklan dan tayangan di televisyen tentang mahasiswi di IPT. Pakaian ketat, pergaulan bebas. Itulah bayangan saya tentang universiti.

Jesteru, saya mahu tudung menjadi perisai diri, secara tidak langsung sebagai tanda 'Hey, treat me like a proper muslimah!'

Tudung Sebagai Pelindung

Boleh kata setiap hujung minggu saya perlu keluar ke negeri-negeri lain sewaktu menuntut dulu. Pasti, kenderaan awam seperti bas dan keretapi akan saya guna.

Tudung labuh bulat akan saya kenakan bila bermusafir dengan kenderaan awam. Ia banyak menyelamatkan saya.

Dalam bas atau keretapi, selalunya lelaki tak akan duduk disebelah saya. Yang peliknya, dia boleh selamba duduk dengan perempuan lain. Mungkin dia segan pada penampilan saya. Alhamdulillah, selamat.

Kalau naik keretapi waktu puncak di KL Sentral atau lebih lagi di Bank Negara, saya tak risau dihimpit lelaki. Ramai yang akan beri ruang kepada saya, dan mereka tak berani untuk merapat. Alhamdulillah, selamat!

Tudung Labuh Sebagai Pemberi Hormat

Percaya atau tidak, saya dan rakan-rakan pernah diberi tempat duduk di dalam keretapi, hanya kerana kami bertudung labuh dan berjubah, sedangkan lebih ramai manusia sedang berdiri.

Bila membeli belah, peniaga akan menjaga tangan mereka sewaktu menghulurkan wang baki. Lucu juga, tapi itulah tandanya dia hormat.

Tudung Labuh Sebagai Warden

Satu hal saya perasan, pakaian akan mengawal tingkah laku saya. Bila saya memakai T-Shirt dan seluar, saya suka berlagak lelaki. Hatta di dalam rumah sekali pun.

Tapi bila memaki tudung labuh, berjubah atau baju kurung, saya rasa lebih feminin. Langkah saya lebih terjaga, tidak melompat ke sana ke mari.

Ya, tidak dinafikan ada sahaja sebilangan bertudung labuh yang akhlaqnya lebih teruk dari yang tidak bertudung. Tapi sekurangnya dia berani untuk bermujahadah dengan persepsi orang terhadapnya, sekurangnya dia telah selesai bahagian auratnya.

Moga tindak tanduk kita semuanya digerakkan oleh Allah.

Post ni dishare dr salah satu mailing list yang saya ada. Sebab rasa sangat bagus, mesti repost!

Betul la, beza pakai tudung 45 dengan 50 pun lain. Kalau zaman pakai tudung 45 dulu, kalau pergi jalan kaki nanti ada mamat x guna bagi salam yang x diperlukan. Sekarang dah x berani tegur dah.

moga satu hari nanti mampu pakai tudung bulat balik. Insya-Allah. Amin.

hai perempuan

2010-06-18T18:18:00.000+01:00

ni dpt dr satu website yg disurf. wallauhua'lam siapa penulisnya

aqmq says:
June 3, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Baju nipis nampak bayang
Peha gebu saja ditayang
Lebih baik tak pakai baju senang
Dah tentu boleh tunjuk terang-terang

Lengan pendek blaus gantung
Jeans ketat melekat dipunggung
Jadi orang Islam ni sebenarnya beruntung
Agama tak suruh berbungkus macam pocong

Andai terasa hidayah menyinggah
Lakukan yang betul mengikut sunnah
Menutup aurat jangan sekali dirasa payah
Mengapa diperleceh, itukan perintah

No Such Thing As Love.

2010-06-18T11:16:00.001+01:00

"There's no such thing as love." So said
A flippant sneerer whom I met one day;^___
And yet a child sat at her feet and played,
And a sweet babe upon her bosom lay.

Greatly I wondered. "No such thing as love?
Then what are these ?" Her thin lip curled.
"These? These are incidents. Your words but prove
Your ignorance. You do not know the world.

"You wonder why I wed ?" Still curled her lip;
Still flushed her dark eye with a bitter scorn;-
"Why, I am a woman^___so obey the whip
That swings it lash above all women born.

"It is our fate. Let one dare disobey,
The whole world shun her. Let her dare to tread
In her own right, her independent way,
Men pelt her with this word of scorn: old maid.

"Speak common sense. Don't talk of love to me.
'Tis sickening^___this stuff that poets sing.
You marry, you have filled your destiny;
But love^___I tell you there is no such thing."

Sadly I left her, sadly I went my way;
And then I met another^___it was you.
Had I believed her? Well, I cannot say;
But now I know she did not tell me true.

^__Ellen P. Allerton.

A Story of Love by Stephen Uhraney

2010-06-11T18:22:00.004+01:00

Submitted by Pete Marovich on Sunday, 4 October 2009

This essay is called “A Story of Love”, about the unconditional love between a husband a wife, it is the story of Sandor and Anne Marie Papp. Anne Marie has been at Credit Valley Hospital in Mississauga, Ontario since 1997 in a coma after suffering a stroke, unable to move or speak, she is fed by a gastrostomy tube. Sandor has been at the hospital and by Anne Marie’s bedside everyday from 10am until 10pm since his wife was admitted and has not missed a day. Often he’ll spend the night sleeping in a chair if Anne Marie has had a particularly rough day. She spends most if not all of her time sleeping. Sandor along with the nursing staff have become her primary care givers. Sandor assists with providing care such as bathing Anne Marie, brushing her hair, putting cream on her skin to avoid her getting bedsores and checking her IV bags. At around 3pm everyday Sandor gets Anne Marie ready for a walk around the hospital, putting her stockings on her, brushing her hair, putting her slippers on her, then with the help of the nursing staff they get Anne Marie into her wheel chair. They walk around the hospital ending up by the front window where the two of them sit in the sun holding hands.This is a true story of love.

What is not Allowed:

2010-06-07T14:57:00.000+01:00

What is not Allowed:

RICHARD TILLINGHAST
Richard Tillinghast is an American poet who lives in Co Tipperary. He is the author of eight books of poetry, the latest of which is Selected Poems (Dedalus Press, 2010 ), as well as several works of non-fiction

*http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/opinion/2010/0605/1224271903842.html#>

No tinned meat is allowed, no tomato paste,
no clothing, no shoes, no notebooks.
These will be stored in our warehouses at Kerem Shalom
until further notice.
Bananas, apples, and persimmons are allowed into Gaza,
peaches and dates, and now macaroni
(after the American Senator’s visit).
These are vital for daily sustenance.

But no apricots, no plums, no grapes, no avocados, no jam.
These are luxuries and are not allowed.
Paper for textbooks is not allowed.
The terrorists could use it to print seditious material.
And why do you need textbooks
now that your schools are rubble?
No steel is allowed, no building supplies, no plastic pipe.
These the terrorists could use to launch rockets
against us.

Pumpkins and carrots you may have, but no delicacies,
no cherries, no pomegranates, no watermelon, no onions,
no chocolate.

We have a list of three dozen items that are allowed,
but we are not obliged to disclose its contents.
This is the decision arrived at
by Colonel Levi, Colonel Rosenzweig, and Colonel Segal.

Our motto:
‘No prosperity, no development, no humanitarian crisis.’
You may fish in the Mediterranean,
but only as far as three km from shore.
Beyond that and we open fire.
It is a great pity the waters are polluted
twenty million gallons of raw sewage dumped into the sea every day
is the figure given.

Our rockets struck the sewage treatments plants,
and at this point spare parts to repair them are not allowed.
As long as Hamas threatens us,
no cement is allowed, no glass, no medical equipment.
We are watching you from our pilotless drones
as you cook your sparse meals over open fires
and bed down
in the ruins of houses destroyed by tank shells.

And if your children can’t sleep,
missing the ones who were killed in our incursion,
or cry out in the night, or wet their beds
in your makeshift refugee tents,
or scream, feeling pain in their amputated limbs –
that’s the price you pay for harbouring terrorists.

God gave us this land.
A land without a people for a people without a land.

sweet honey, come to me~

2010-03-20T21:40:00.000Z

and so I stumbled upon a song in youtube, it is a rap song with a true story behind it.

In Korea last year, a teenager couple committed suicide after the girl got pregnant.

Their family opposed to their relationship and kept the girl in their house. Then both of them commit suicide because they couldn't be together.

this is the comment from YT's user

so its about a Couple suiciding .. together from jumping off a building. the girl got pregnant and the guy couldnt do anything when the girl was captured in her room cause her parents wouldnt let her see him.. and deciding that she cant keep her baby, they choose to die together

....................................................................................................................

WTH, just WTH.

lepas satu dosa, buat satu dosa lagi? 3 nyawa hilang sekaligus. dan nyawa ketiga itu boleh jadi baby yg comel macam ni

but can we actually blame them fully? When they just don't understand the consequences of each action they have taken? when there's nobody to tell them why shouldn't they do it?

mangsa keadaan. *smirk*

mangsa keadaan. *cries*

mangsa keadaan.

maka kita?

siapa kita?

melihat sahaja? layakkah kita mengutuk, menghina, mengeji, menghukum mereka?

bila kita hanya memandang, memandang dan memandang.

memandang sinis, memandang benci, meluat, menyampah.

without lifting a finger. by doing nothing, you're actually doing something.

3:110 Ye are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in Allah. If only the People of the Book had faith, it were best for them: among them are some who have faith, but most of them are perverted transgressors.

every soul in this world deserve the chance to know his/her God. and those who knows and kept silent shall be questioned in the end.

........................................................................................

betulkan niat.

ke mana?

2010-03-20T20:23:00.002Z

dah lama x update blog ni dengan updates yang benar-benar up-to-date. Kenapa?

Sebab orangnya hilang. ke idea hilang?

mungkin. mungkin anugerah Tuhan bagi pun hilang.

hilang ke mana?

entah. hilang.

kepada semua yang sudi singgah, minta maaf sebab x balas komen. Saya kehilangan kata-kata sekarang. Especially bashu n rehan n ijah. sorry to let you down.

will try harder. pray for me. ^^

I wanna go home now and give this babe a pinch!

2010-03-14T20:41:00.003Z

Battlefield

2010-02-21T10:39:00.002Z

وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يَتَّخِذُ مِن دُونِ اللّهِ أَندَاداً يُحِبُّونَهُمْ كَحُبِّ اللّهِ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ أَشَدُّ حُبًّا لِّلّهِ وَلَوْ يَرَى الَّذِينَ ظَلَمُواْ إِذْ يَرَوْنَ الْعَذَابَ أَنَّ الْقُوَّةَ لِلّهِ جَمِيعاً وَأَنَّ اللّهَ شَدِيدُ الْعَذَابِ

Yet there are men who take (for worship) others besides Allah, as equal (with Allah): They love them as they should love Allah. But those of Faith are overflowing in their love for Allah. If only the unrighteous could see, behold, they would see the penalty: that to Allah belongs all power, and Allah will strongly enforce the penalty.

Ya Allah, jauhkanlah aku dari mencintai idol2 itu dengan melampau-melampau sehingga aku tidak dapat menjadi seorang manusia hamba lagi.

Perlu Lebih Kuat!!!

I love them, ship them like burning!

2010-02-12T23:14:00.001Z

because I'm in too deep

that my ankle just stuck

stuck in the mud

even my wings cannot save me now.

rustles in the blanket

2010-02-11T00:04:00.001Z

Footsteps, all that I could hear

Crawling all through the dark corridors

Each dropping an echo, piercing my ears

Wonder- when would they push the door?

Sickeningly sweet voice, touching softly

Reminding me of the cloud ice cream;

I’ll get it, mother promised hastily.

Oh dear, did mother hear me scream?

A picnic on every spring morning

A trip to the playground every evening

All promises begin their shouting

Loud, clear, like my heart’s beating

Two white figures trying to uncover

The blanket I tightly hold on to.

Fought with every bit of my strength

Like a wild wolf caught down the trap.

My young self screamed for her, they –

A painful jab and I moaned

‘I’m here when you’re in pain.’

How would I know she’s gone?

y

2010-02-10T22:05:00.002Z

why life is like this?

why?

my heart keeps on breaking

no time to mend, just broken

shattered to pieces

should have thought

there's no such thing as

happily ever after

be together forever

even as a bystander,

I hurt too much

then how do they feel themselves?

I shall pray for you

may you're destined together forever

No TV for you, Babies

2010-01-21T11:10:00.000Z

The American Academy of Pediatrics takes a "better-safe-than-sorry" stance on TV for young children [12].

"It may be tempting to put your infant or toddler in front of the television, especially to watch shows created just for children under age two.
But the American Academy of Pediatrics says: Don't do it!
These early years are crucial in a child's development. The Academy is concerned about the impact of television programming intended for children younger than age two and how it could affect your child's development. Pediatricians strongly oppose targeted programming, especially when it's used to market toys, games, dolls, unhealthy food and other products to toddlers.
Any positive effect of television on infants and toddlers is still open to question, but the benefits of parent-child interactions are proven. Under age two, talking, singing, reading, listening to music or playing are far more important to a child's development than any TV show."

In addition, TV can discourage and replace reading. Reading requires much more thinking than television, and we know that reading fosters young people's healthy brain development. Kids from families that have the TV on a lot spend less time reading and being read to, and are less likely to be able to read [13].

Yang Patut Dicekik

2010-01-13T12:27:00.003Z

http://www.hmetro.com.my/myMetro/articles/Buangayahtepijalan/Article

Subhanallah. Ya Allah, aku berlindung kepadaMu daripada perbuatan sebegini.

17. Al Israa’

Beberapa tata krama pergaulan

23. Dan Tuhanmu telah memerintahkan supaya kamu jangan menyembah selain Dia dan hendaklah kamu berbuat baik pada ibu bapakmu dengan sebaik-baiknya. Jika salah seorang di antara keduanya atau kedua-duanya sampai berumur lanjut dalam pemeliharaanmu, maka sekali-kali janganlah kamu mengatakan kepada keduanya perkataan “ah” dan janganlah kamu membentak mereka dan ucapkanlah kepada mereka perkataan yang mulia^[850].

Turkey Part I

2010-01-12T20:51:00.006Z

"Sembahlah Allah dan jauhilah thagut itu." Maka di antara umat itu ada orang-orang yang diberi petunjuk oleh Allah dan ada pula orang-orang yang telah pasti kesesatan baginya. Maka berjalanlah kamu di muka bumi dan perhatikanlah bagaimana kesudahan orang-orang yang mendustakan (Rasul-Rasul)." (QS. an-Nahl : 36)

semua orang tanya: Best x Turkey?

mestilah Best, kalau x best buat rugi duit ku je T.T

DAY 1

we took Turkish Airlines

nice seats eventho economy seats, much better than the crammed MAS Airbus

supposedly my seat was an aisle seat but due to my MISTAKE (uh oh.... again!)

I got a window seat. yeay!

gambar awan dari window seat =)

duduk ngan Kak Faradee and Kak Zalyha, I am truly a lucky girl.

one complaint: PILOT sangat rough

rasa nauseous, pening and x selesa

another complaint: Khamar sangat berleluasa

THE BEST THING?

the food was really delicious! I enjoyed them so much!

basically I am someone who will only sleep and sleep on vehicle

so anyway, I slept almost all the time on the plane,

except for some minutes trying my hands on Sudoku

the flight was 4 hours long, we arrived on 24th December, 8pm local time

waiting for the doors to be opened

sent to Cordial House by a van

sepanjang perjalanan, sangat terharu kerana betapa banyak persamaan antara Istanbul dan Kuala Lumpur

betapa dekatnya hati dengan tanah air

lampu2 jalan raya

bangunan tinggi dan rendah saling bersaing

langit yang luas terbentang

langit yang sama

kita memandang pada langit yang sama

rindunya pada Malaysia

rindunya pada orang-orang tersayang di Malaysia

rindunya pada negara Islam

sungguh aku merindu~

then malam2, scavenging for food

unfortunately, most of the eateries closed already

and we had no choice but to but from one nearest from our hostel

and frankly speaking, the food was not to our taste

yet being a person who will eat anything halal~ all is well

it was Kak Faradee's birthday!

Kak Fatin bought some baklava from local store

their Baklava looks really delicious

but the person selling them is simply x_x rude

made me feel sad

even Irish are better than Muslims

and we keep on saying how Irish love, love, love to drink

yet Muslims are the one with BAD ATTITUDE

no wonder they couldn't believe in our religion eventhough it is PURE

WE TAINTED IT!

humming the rhymes

2010-01-12T20:25:00.005Z

I am someone who can get depressed easily

I am a person who can get confused easily

I am someone who can get lost easily

and I was depressed

and I was confused

and I was lost

but then tHEy shoves me to the light

what light?

what should I do with this light?

so lovely, so bright, so warm

yet to a person like me

who spent most of the time in the darkness and cold

behind all those facades that I designed for people outside

(after all I am a great painter, or I would like to think so)

this light is blinding my eyes

destroying all those I clung to

for all my lives.

keep on questioning

with every steps taken

I tried to run away

as far as I could

as fast as I could

while the questions keep on following me

me and them, running side by side

who is Tom and who is Jerry?

and why does it even matter?

so I'm taking baby steps now

I just couldn't run again

it is not like I could outrun them at anytime anyway.

just baby steps

while humming the rhymes

eyes closed

easier said than done

2009-10-18T22:05:00.000+01:00

o yo believers. practice what you preach.

2009-10-14T20:12:00.003+01:00

like a stab right on my back
rupturing through my heart
shattering to pieces
away, away, the feathers simply drop
onto the ground
while the eyes cannot see
the mind goes numb

the cold I felt
does my body feel it?
or my heart does?
wrapping me in silence
entangled, within the invisible web
lost in translation
for something that has no need for it

HE told me
HE TOLD ME
and am I a fool to be told many times?
yet switching my back
I chose not to see
when HE gave me the sight.

I was blind
too blind to see
everything that is too clear
all the time.

and HE sent me here
I know why
to HIM I pray
Allah, please do love me
and please make me love you more than anything, anyone.

Dan apabila hamba-hamba- Ku bertanya kepadamu tentang Aku, maka (jawablah), bahwasanya Aku adalah dekat. Aku mengabulkan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila ia memohon kepada-Ku, maka hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi (segala perintah-Ku) dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepada-Ku, agar mereka selalu berada dalam kebenaran. (Surah al-Baqarah ayat 186)

cukuplah Allah bagiku

mari kita kongsi pt II

2009-09-05T09:19:00.001+01:00

Salam Dear Brothers and Sisters,

This is good to read.

(PS: I'm not so sure whether these are Sahih HAdith or not, but the messages are pure.

The Holy Prophet (SAW) Said:
1) Four things that make your body sick:-

a)Excessive talking
b)Excessive sleeping
c)Excessive eating and
d)Excessive meeting/outing with people

2) Four things that destroys the body:-
a)Worrying
b)Sorrow (Sadness/Grief)
c)Hunger
d)Sleeping late at night

3) Four things that make the face looking dull and haggard:-
a)Lying
b)Being disrespectful/ impudent (knowingly)
c) Baseless arguements
d)Excessive immorality (committing sins without fear)

4) Four things that make the face glow and shine:-
a) Piety
b) Loyalty
c) Generosity and kindness
d)Helpful to others without being asked

5) Four things make the Rizqi (Sustenance) stop:-
a) Sleeping till late in the morning (from Fajr to sunrise)
b) Not Performing Fardhu or Irregular in Prayers
c) Laziness/Idleness
d) Treachery/Dishonest y

6) Four things that bring/increase the Rizqi:-
a) Staying up in the night in prayers
b) Excessive Repentance
c) Regular Charity
d) Zikr (Remembrance of Allah)

The Holy Prophet (SAW), also said to communicate to others even if it is just One Verse (Ayaah), for this one verse will stand out on the Day of Judgment for intercession.

Allah Hu Alam.

The Holy Prophet (SAW) said,
" Stop doing everything during the Azaan, even if you are reading the Quran.
The person who talks during the Azaan will not be able to say the Kalima E Shahada on his/her death bed".

............ .so be careful, do not to make this mistake!!!

Please pass this message to all Muslims...

**READ THIS DU'A FOR BETTER LIFE**
Allahumma- inni- ala- Zikr-ika -wa Shuk-rika wa husni-Ibaadatik. ...Ameen.

A very powerful Du'a has been sent to you.

Imagine 1000 persons read it
just because of you......... ......... Jazakallah.

ONLY you will seek goodness from
Allah SWT.

mari kita kongsi

2009-09-05T08:17:00.001+01:00

dapat ni dr salah satu causes yg wujud kat facebook. ayat dia sangat best.

O Allah, I ask You to bless me with Your love, make me love who loves You, and guide me to every deed You love

And please remember that Allah is one, the One and Only Eternal GOD, Creator of the Universe, Lord of all lords, King of all kings, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful, no one is like him and he is like no one. He has no parents, no daughter, no son, we all need him and he needs no one. There is no GOD but Allah and Muhammad is his messenger--La ilaha ila lah Muhammad rassoulo lah.

ISLAM taught me that you are all my brothers and sisters that I do not have the right to oppress you, nor leave you at the mercy of others...ISLAM taught me not to insult or hurt you...ISLAM taught me that a smile to you is a charity, a good word to you is a charity...ISLAM taught me that I have no superiority or inferiority over anyone of you except by piety and good action...ISLAM is my way of life!

I am very proud of my religion as a Muslim and that my prophet is the greatest person ever on the planet!

Your brother,

Noureddine

i thought.....

2009-09-03T10:23:00.002+01:00

i thought I understand women.
then when one of my friends goes yo-yo with her relationship;
like today saying his bf is the worst type of man, playboy, scoundrel, etc and she agree that this man is up for disposal
then the next time i see her
oh, she's back with the playboy who humiliated her to the point of crying. a good for nothing.

WTH?

and i thought I understand women.
I guess I need to join those men thinking,
women, women, women, why they are so mysterious?

taking a break

2009-09-02T11:43:00.000+01:00

tekan brek.

stop.

you know you're old when...

2009-08-04T17:28:00.003+01:00

1. when you don't have as much imagination as u did 3 years ago. (gosh, how could I be a writer when my imagination is all rusty??)
2. you are the one responsible of buying the groceries
3. you go to the clinic by yourself and try to put a brave front eventho you're hoping that mommy would accompany you here.
4. what you say has effect on others around you
5. the people around you love to talk about politics
6. you no longer have sweet "teens" suffix at you age (no more shweet sixteen, etc)
7. the nurse, or the shop assistant call you KAK, and you feel like smacking them because you're so sure they look older than you- yet you realized they might be just a year older.
8. your little sister tell you that your friends look like mothers who got babies already.
9. you no longer spend every free time you have to play computer games.
10. you're no longer FUN~~toooooot~
11. you' re leaving your nest.

and if you don't feel happy about it, maybe you're a kid trapped in an old body.

eh...short ramblings?

2009-07-19T18:19:00.002+01:00

in interview, most of to-be-medic students (esp in KMB?) would say this
"from the activities, i learn not only to sympathies but also to be empathetic, which is important for a doctor....... (please continue on your own) - didn't say it myself, but it is a favourite among KMB students.

sympathy: oh, poor little kitten! why they are cruel people who hit-and-run just like that?
empathy: enough the crap. go pick up the dead kitty!

which one do you choose?

action speaks louder. period.

the funeral, the dream

2009-06-26T17:00:00.000+01:00

2 days ago while driving, I saw a funeral.
Who passed away? My curiosity piqued. (as always….)
Then, I saw a father with two small children. They were standing in front of a grave.
The mother?
I don’t know for sure. But my guess is, yes, it’s her.
(And never underestimate a female’s instinct, especially mine.)
But what I saw made me feel ……
I cannot find the exact word to describe it.
What if I am the mother, the one who passed away leaving the two young children to live with the father?
With my iman at this level, I bet I could never RIP in that situation. Never.
Yes, I know. We need to leave everything to Allah when it’s the departure time but I still couldn’t help to think how scared I am to leave my children like that. I couldn’t imagine it.

2 months ago (I think) I had one of my weird dreams (again).
My dreams are often out of this world-kind, I even dreamt about a talking bear with 7 orphans whose mother was actually a princess banished from her castle because she marries a poor guy, Sailor Galaxia pushed me to hold the heavy Earth (those who loves Sailor Moon will know this villain), alien landed on Earth and kidnapped the rest of my family leaving me trying to run away and hide from them, etc.

But this dream scares the hell (or heaven, if you prefer to change for it) out of me.
I dreamt of me, trying to prepare for a performance with my friends and one of them; ‘I have major-problematic on-off-on-off-on-again and might-be-more-than crush’ for him. (Don’t go “Ngaaaa????!!” yet, another bomb is on the way. And he’s not a kmbian, I happen to have no feelings for any fellow kmbian). So, I happened to be in someone else’s body and I’m not sure whether it is a girl or not. (It was too vague.) Then, the next thing I knew, we were walking together doing some shopping (and we were shopping for herbs, my dreams are all like that, unnecessary details are everywhere when you don’t need it but it’s not there when you need it!) He didn’t know it’s me so we were able to talk like friends. What shocking is I was reading Malay A1 literature at that time! While shopping! IB was taking my life away! And the story I was reading is my own story. Somewhat like my future. In the novel, it was said that in the future, I marry this guy I was walking with. Just when I was almost rejoiced with this future-reading, suddenly the plot got tragic; we were separated by political issues where US president involved. Terpisah antara 2 benua. This guy kept waiting for me to go back home, he had faith that I’ll return safe and sound. Then, suddenly he received the news that I’m dead. The authorities sent our baby back home to him,
BAD NEWS: HE WENT CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!

And my poor baby has no one else in this world but her crazy father. I almost cried when reading this part; they even put a picture of her in the book!
Then the ‘me’ who was reading the novel just couldn’t help to stare at this guy. YA ALLAH.

I woke up with the sad feelings because:
1. I left my baby alone
2. I’m dead
3. My husband went crazy
I would never marry this guy; I had bad Bad BAd BAD OMEN of our future together.
And I’m freaking scared to get married with anyone else either.

Then, when I saw the family at the graveyard, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it. When my time comes, will I be prepared to leave this world? To leave the ones I love to the ONE WHO LOVES me the most?

I hope my iman is enough at that time, I wish to leave in peace.
I hope my amal is enough so I won’t suffer after my Death.
I hope, I pray, I beg Allah that I’ll be a better person than what I am now.
I pray that I could face HIM prepared.
So that when HE asks me, what did you do with the life I gave?, I can answer it well.

(for musing: the morning I dreamt this, one of my lil sisters dreamt that she became widow, left alone with her little girl and another lil sister dreamt of marrying someone whom she disliked and she regretted marrying him. Call it family morning sickness. =P one of the reasons why one should not sleep after Subuh.)

zaman kanak-kanak

2009-06-22T08:19:00.006+01:00

Adalah baik sekiranya anda menulis 25 perkara yg org xtau semasa kecil anda. Dihujung entry, anda harus memilih 5 org utk ditag. Anda amat bertuah jika ditag saya sbb sy ingin tau lebey lanjut tentang zaman comel anda dulu..

1. ini gambar sy time kanak dulu:
2. kene panggil bosnia oleh sedare n org lalu lalang sebab time tu isu bosnia tgh hot.

3. disakat sebagai 'anak angkat' oleh bapak sendiri n kakak abang. sampai umur 12 tahun pun, ayah gurau x nk buatkan ic sebab konon anak pungut mana tah. dasar2 kureng sungguh.

4. selalu plan nk lari rumah. siap backpack lg. haahahaha.

5. waktu darjah satu, kne kudis kat mulut. i was so ugly that time, x ramai kawan kat sekolah. sangat sedih time tu.

6. ade org tertolak sy jatuh ke dlm longkang yang berlumpur tahap gaban. pastu dpt trauma n phobia ngan bridges sampai sekarang. but i'm fighting it! sekarang kalau nampak longkang, lompat, x naik bridge.

7. suka ponteng sekolah rendah. haahahaha.

8. sangat tinggi berbanding budak laki time sekolah rendah sampai dipanggil zirafah.

9. attend 3 (atau mungkin lebih.) tadika tapi x pernah graduate satu pun.

10. suka panjat pokok. pantang nampak pokok!

11. suka korek hidung pastu letak kat dinding. hahahah~

i dont think i'll finish it. later continue.

7 Things That do Not Make Sense For me in KMB.

2009-05-16T07:10:00.005+01:00

Start:
Friday, May 01, 2009
9:53 AM

Seen it on someone's blog. Just cool. And written it in few last days in KMB, just In time (JIT).

1. Why people have tendency to 'couple' when exam is getting nearer? It's super-duper weird for me. Perplexed. Totally. With the exam getting nearer, shouldn't we concentrate on our studies? Getting into a new relationship would often bring more conflicts, and I bet 8 million dollars ( if I have that much money) that this will surely interfere with studies. Yet why I still can see the increase in the number of couples in KMB? Macam cendawan tumbuh lepas hujan. And then, after the exam ends, most of these couples simply drift apart. Pelik lagi ajaib, waktu sibuk tahap gaban nak ber'couple', waktu dah free 'clash' pulak. Bak lagu Too Phat, kenapa perlu bercinta kalau penghujungnya perpisahan?

2. Why it is hard for KMB guys to go to surau for ceramah malam Jumaat? Seriously, guys. I don't understand how you could simply skip it. Yeah, I know that some of you say you can hear it from your room, thanks to the 'great' speaker system we have; but haven't you heard of the hadith that every step to masjid is counted as good deeds and will be rewarded? What pissed me more is that unlike us girls, you guys do not even need to iron your clothes, do not even need to think what baju kurung you need to wear tonight, or is it jubah or blouse? And what tudung matches with the outfit? And then do I have enough time to iron the tudung? Or should I just grab that usual black/white tudung as a safe escape? And our blocks are so far away compared to your block yet look at the amount of people in the surau. Despite all of these problems, we are able to arrive at the surau safe and sound setiap malam Jumaat. Sorry to say this, but girls totally outnumber the guys during ceramah malam Jumaat. Shame on you, KMB guys.

3. Why there are some people in KMB loves to walk slowly? Nope, it is not that I'm against walking calmly as they would say 'biar lambat asalkan selamat'. What makes me mad is when these people walk in groups, totally blocking the pathway in KMB that I bet all of us know, very 'large', 'spacious', and 'comfortable'; complete with LT tables-turned-wooden-benches along the way as decoration (???) cum tools allowing as to practice hurdles race for the up-coming BTN physical test. Do not misunderstand me, I love those benches no matter what their origin is, it just that, can't they make the pathway larger? I'm tired of having to rack my brain to find an escape route every time those E07X guys (you-know-who) walk in a large group, blocking the way. Thank god I'm wafer-thin, I can simply flatten myself. But what about my girlfriends? You guys are making life harder for the girls. Call me feminist, I don’t bloody care. I'm just voicing out the girls' opinions and we shall fight for our rights.

4. How could my sweet, beautiful friend got a good-for-nothing boyfriend who uses her and she even allows that? And I couldn't even say anything about it for fearing that I'll break her heart! Girls, wake up! Don't fall for jerks! You deserve someone better than that. And we can bloody well live independently without them.

5. Why men often assume women will comply to them? Accept them the way they are and try to fit in with their lifestyle when they don't even bother to try and fit in with the girls' way. Do you think we are just like induced-fit enzyme? Probably we are, yes, accommodating, but don't expect us to change because of you while you are doing nothing to improve yourself. It's win-win situation, you want it, you trade for it. We're not for free and we're not cheap.

6. Why oh why, those guys who join usrah are the ones who get into 'couples' thingy? And I expect they know better in such matters. Are all those ayat in Quran you stored in your brain not enough to tell you that it is a no-no? I understand - all human has lust. But there are ways for you, the right ways to accommodate your lust; halal. Get married. Why you guys keep on talking about something good when you're not even practicing it? Please - action speaks louder than words. I know it sounds nonsense when it comes from me, the one who don't work like you do, don’t have the spirit like you do, is not even serious as you do but believe me, what you guys are doing is truly inappropriate. Imagine people outside looking at you; "owh, so we can have bf-gf relationship if we follow their ways". Imagine that. Bangga ke?

7. Why my roommate is totally cute and adorable? Seriously, she's edible! :P

Yeah, I know. I sound feminist. So what?

~this path is…….~

2009-03-27T00:07:00.001Z

~this path is…….~
As IB Final getting nearer, my doubts and fears fluctuating with it
This ain’t story of getting prepared for the exam and etc.
Do I really want to fly out there?
Of course you want it, baka! – said my head
But I don’t want to live far away from home… I couldn’t stand being far from Mama and Baba and my sisters and Husna….. – said my heart
You weaklings! You’re such a crybaby even when you’re 19 going to 20! Grow up! – said my head
This is your once-in-a-lifetime chance. You got to go out there, see what it is like outside. You need to learn and become a real adult, not a crybaby – the head said again.
But I don’t want to grow up! I have my mother and father. They are all that I need. I don’t need anyone else because no one can replace them. – whisper my heart.
So what will happen when they are gone? – the head is being practical again. Anyway, it is THE HEAD.
The heart trembles. It’s painful even to think that will happen yet the head said it out aloud. Silence.
They cannot live forever you know. They are human, just like you. And every single Allah’s makhluk will taste death. They will taste it and so would you. – continued the head.
Yes, they won’t live forever. You won’t live forever. And you shall face HIM on judgment day. HE will ask you; what have you done for HIM in your life? Have you been HIS loyal servant? Have you spread the faith? And remember. It is not your parents who shelter you all this time. It is HIM. ALLAH THE ALMIGHTY. – the soul reminded
Uh, so you’re here the soul. Where have you been? Why I haven’t see you around lately. I’m almost crazy without you my soul. – the heart asked weakly.
Well, my dear. You know completely whose fault is that. Who is the one who banished me and locked me in the corner? Who is the one who turn away each time I ask for help? – asked the soul, the anger is there but so calmly composed.
Oh, my soul. Forgive me.
Forgive yourself. But you have to ask for HIS forgiveness. – said the soul kindly.
What I should do now my soul? I cannot think straight these days.
And you know why. You know why.
I do?
Don’t be stupid! All three of us know. – said the head, not angrily. Well, the head is always rational.
Yes you do my dear. Your ignorance has come to a point that it cannot be ignored anymore. What happen to you promise 2 years ago? Said you wanna go there for the holy purpose. Said you wanna go there so that you can grow up. Said you wanna go there because you have to, not because you want to. – the memory reminded.
And now, when you feel that you don’t want to anymore, you want to back out? Impossible! – said the head.
Impossible. – said the soul.
Impossible. - said the memory.
The heart turns around shakily.
All of you are against me? Why?- asked the heart.
Because you are on the verge of breaking your promises – said the three others.
Remember that night? When halo showed up and it seemed as if everything has been resolved already? – reminded the memory.
Remember the ayat when you were right on the cliff? Remember what HE said?- asked the memory.
“Apakah kamu merasa hairan tentang ketetapan Allah?” – continued the soul.
I…. I… I do remember…… yes, I do……. But…….
No more buts, you already know what you have to do. – said the head.
Yes, you know what you have to do. – chorused the other two.
I know what I have to do.

Allah, I’m hoping and praying.
Ya Muqallibal-Qulub, Thabbit qalbi ‘ala dinik.
Amin.

~salam~

2009-03-26T04:37:00.002Z

salahke aku bagi salam time tu?
bukan salam itu satu doa?
dan bukan salam aku time tu memang berniat baik ke?
habis tu kenapa nak marah?
aku bukan bagi salam macam mamat tepi jalan tu
"assalamualaikum... x jawab dosa"
(saat diorang buat macam tu, aku rsa cam nak hempuk diorang dengan laptop aku)
bukan. bukan macam tu.
habis tu kenapa tone dia macam nak marah?

well, siapa makan cili dialah rasa pedasnya, kan?

dan aku hanya mengikut hadis RA. kan?

~Tagged

2009-02-13T09:57:00.002Z

Rules!

1. People who have been tagged must write their answers in their blog.
2. Tag 8 people to do this quiz. - malas ah...
3. Continue this game by tagging 8 other people - let it stop ....
4. oh! oh! don forget to copy d Crazy Frog image above n post it wif dis tag :p~ hehehe... - added by mein melon - tu lagi request bukan2!

Queries

1.What have you been doing recently?
teman kawan gi pejabat pos dengkil then balik umah, transit alamanda

2.Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
don't say 'ever', I often do that.

3.What happened at 10am today?
habis rehat, start kelas IT

4.When did you last cry?
yesterday.

5.Believe in fate/destiny?
yep

6.What do you want in your life now?
the best thing one can have - guarantee of heaven

7.Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put up your hood?
lari jer terus, tudung kan ada?

8.What's your favourite thing to do on the bed?
semua bnde aku buat atas katil. even buat homework. fav? tido.... krohhh...krohhh.....

9.What bottoms are you wearing now?
slacks

10.What's the nicest things in your inbox?
message from my Ma although it just said: Ina, Mama dah sampai.

11.Do you tend to make the relationship complicated?
what relationship?

12.Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone?
right now, no.

13.What was the last movie you caught?
hurm.............

14.What are you proud of?
I'm unique; in-out~

15.What does the oldest text msg in your inbox say?
"the year is almost gone.........." that was a message from a friend right before 2008 started

16.What was the last song you sang out loud?
ayat-ayat cinta - Rossa. what? tadi diorang nyanyi reramai, aku join la sekaki.

17.Do you have any nicknames?
lots of them. wherever I go, they will give me different nicknames from the previous ones.

18.What does the newest text say?
"Ala, kan dah pesan last week untuk bawak balik." - Mama

19.What time did you go to bed last night?
at 11 sumthin;, woke up at 4 tho.

20.Are you currently happy?
~_~

21.Who gives you the best advice?
lots of people, esp. my mama

22.Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
x sedap la.

23.Who did you talk on the phone last night?
I didn't.

24.Is something bugging you now?
lots of stuff.

25.Who was the last person to make you laugh?
can't remember.

dahling ku~

2009-02-11T04:26:00.002Z

~maybe~

2009-02-10T03:04:00.001Z

Mungkin ade orang akan tanye, apsal ko tutup blog kau?

Jawapannya:

Ntah. Mungkin aku dah bosan racking my brain mencari idea-idea yang makin kering seiring dengan penambahan jam tidur aku.

Mungkin aku rasa bosan sebab sekarang semua ada blog. Dan apa yang membezakan blog aku dengan blog kau, kau, kau, dan mereka? Layout yang super-duper cute niee? Atau content yang lagi banyak ngarud-ngarud dari manfaat? Dan apa yang membezakan antara aku, kau, kamu, kamu dan mereka semua bila kite semua ade blog?

Mungkin, aku rasa intimated. Blog kawan-kawan aku semua bercerite mengenai perjuangan da’wah mereka. Bagaimana perjuangan mereka memberi inspirasi kepada semua yang membaca. Dan blog aku? Tetap dengan ngarud-ngarud seorang budak berumur 12 tahun yang terperangkap dalam diri 19 tahun (I’m not 20 yet!). tetap kosong macam tin Justea perisa Apple berkarbonat yang terbiar tepi jalan (aku x minum Coke or Sprite, bukan setakat boikot, aku takut aku mati guling-guling kerna gastrix. Sekali dah cukup.) dan tetap, bak kata kawan aku: kinah ni suka tukar topic tetibe. Sekejap cakap pasal bnde lain, pastu tukar topic pasal bende yang langsung takde kaitan langsung, pasu boleh sambung topic first tadi. (Ye, itu salah satu characteristics yang special hanya ada dalam otak perempuan. I admit my defeat, aku x leh nafikan lagi atau cuba larikan diri lagi dari fakta ini. Aku memang in-out perempuan. Tapi perempuan spesis hensem laa, ayu-ayu x main. )

Tapi lama aku berfikir. Dan tangan aku makin gatal nak menaip. (Bukan gatal nak dapat duit. Aku tengah berjimat dan belajar menjadi kekedut dengan diri sendiri.) dan aku sedar dan sentiasa sedar dari dulu sampai sekarang. Aku tetap aku. Aku tak boleh jadi seperti kau, kamu, kamu, dan mereka. Dan kau, kamu, kamu, dan mereka juga tidak akan pernah dapat jadi aku. Kerana aku adalah aku. Aku yang eccentric, blunt, bodoh-bodoh sikit, berperangai keanak-anakkan tanpa sebarang rasa bersalah, gila-gila dan suka buat bende-bende yang kamu, kau dan mereka rasa memalukan walhal aku x rasa ape-ape pon, suka menggunakan suara bervoltan tinggi kurniaan Tuhan untuk mencapai matlamat sendiri, dan suka blur secara tiba-tiba. Walau macamana aku cuba ubah, aku takkan dapat jadi sesiapa kecuali aku. Aku dah try dalam interview dah, aku prepare cam hebat pon last-last, aku tetap jawab sebagaimana Sakinah Sabirin akan jawab interview die.……… And I’m prepared to fail. ( Kalau fail, aku nak buat ape? Biochem kat local? Mech eng or aero eng sure x lepas nye sebab x amek physic).

Tapi aku tahu, walau bagaimana aku pon, aku tetap ade MEREKA dan DIA.

DIA yang Maha Pengampun, Maha Mengabulkan sengala Doa, DIA yang mendengar setiap patah hambaNYA. DIA yang mendengar rayuan, rinthan, permintaan bukan-bukan lagi pelik lagi desperate aku. Dan DIA yang sentiasa ada, sama ada aku mencariNya atau tidak, DIA tetap berada di mana-mana. DIA yang sentiasa menghulurkan jalan kepada aku. Memberitahu aku di mana dan ke mana dan bagaimana. Sungguh, aku berhutang yang amat banyak padaNYA.

MEREKA yang sedia mengutuk aku di saat-saat aku melakukan salah, MEREKA yang sedia geleng kepala memandang aku.

Tapi MEREKA sedia menerima aku walau macamana pun aku. Walau aku bukan aku hari ini. Walau aku lebih teruk dari aku hari ini. Walau seluruh dunia tidak menerima aku. MEREKA ada.

Dan KAMU? Adakah antara kamu yang sedia menjadi seperti DIA dan MEREKA. Yang sudi menahan malu saat-saat perangai gila aku bermula lagi? yang sudi menghulurkan bantuan di saat-saat aku menjadi panic, kelam-kelibut dan x tentu arah? Yang sudi menjadi peneman dan mendengar mak cik sorang ni menceceh x tentu pasal? Yang sudi menjadi pendengar saat air mata aku bertakung-takung lagii hebat dari empangan Kenyir tu? (aku x memerlukan a shoulder to cry on, aku x biasa nangis atas bahu orang lain.) sudikah kamu, kau, kau, dia dan mereka?

Kalau kamu sudi, ini hadiah untuk kamu:

Ps: gambar jelah. Dan ini bukan yang aku buat. Mama terchenta yang buat, si Huda buat bentuk-bentuk ni, siap tulis nama KIBUM lagi.

Dan MEREKA x tinggalkan untuk aku. Huhuhuhu~ sangat kejam…… aku juga mau!!!

~coming back~

2009-02-09T02:27:00.003Z

Balik umah memang BEST!!!

Balik je, PUDING CUSTARD n CHOCOLATES.

The next day, went to Malam Penutup SAVE GAZA.

Balik je malam, KUPANG and AYAM PEDAS!

asyik makan je aku nihh.....

The next day, HUSNA datang. Though die asyik nangis jer sebab bad mood ari nih, tp sangat cute!

Attention: I’m not a boy. I’m a handsome girl, just like my Beloved Bubu. Hohoho~

Banyak air liur la Husna nih. Selekeh.

Xper, Bubu tetap sayang n muah muahh.

Sangat gem, gen, bunc, tp tomell!

Last sekali Husna tido atas Wan dier, gaya baring atas tilam Dunlopillo.

And mama masak lokan. X tau camner describe rasa die, but I don’t think it is one of my favs. X masuk sangat rasa dier.

EE ku? Oohh laa~laa~laa. Jangan tanya apa jadi kat 3^rd draft aku…….. mati aku kene kejar ngan Pn Noraini 14hb niiie…………………..

Lari kinah, lari….

TUTUP

2008-11-07T17:16:00.001Z

tutup.
sementara?
selamanya?
i dun wanna know.
sehingga hati ini mendapat sakinah or shekinah kembali.

~annoying but funny ads

2008-10-19T08:09:00.002+01:00

(2) Marriage Proposals for sakinah

2 of your friends want to marry you. Find out who!

Funny. i do not know that Farah wants to marry me. Hahaha.

stupid ads, makes me rofl.

View Proposals

~off

2008-10-18T18:18:00.001+01:00

kering.
kekeringan idea tahap gaban.
maka dengan ini, saya dengan dukacitanya ingin berehat dr blogging

..................

~Umbrella~

2008-10-04T07:35:00.001+01:00

Korean Lyrics

어느새 빗물이
내 발목에 고이고
참았던 눈물이
내 눈가에 고이고
I cry

텅빈 방엔 시계소리
지붕과 입 맞추는 비의 소리
오랜만에 입은
코트 주머니속에 반지
손틈새 스며드는 memory
며칠만에 나서보는 밤의 서울
고인 빗물은 작은 거울
그 속에 난 비틀거리며
아프니까 그대 없이 난
한쪽 다리가 짧은 의자
둘이서 쓰긴 작았던 우산
차가운 세상에 섬 같았던 우산
이젠 너무 크고 어색해
그대 곁에 늘 젖어있던 왼쪽어깨
기억의 무게에 고개 숙여보니
버려진듯 풀어진 내 신발끈
허나 곁엔 오직 비와 바람 없다
잠시라도 우산을 들어 줄 사람
and I cry

어느새 빗물이
내 발목에 고이고
참았던 눈물이
내 눈가에 고이고
I cry

그대는 내 머리위에 우산
어깨위에 차가운 비 내리는 밤
내 곁에 그대가
습관이 되어버린 나
난 그대없이는 안되요
alone in the rain

alone in the rain
nothing but pain
하늘의 눈물이 고인 땅
별을 감춘 구름에 보인 달
골목길 홀로 외로운 구두 소리
메아리에 돌아보며
가슴 졸인 맘
나를 꼭 닮은 그림자
서로가 서로를 볼 수 없었던 우리가
이제야 둘인가
대답을 그리다
머리 속 그림과 대답을 흐린다
내 눈엔 너무 컸던 우산
날 울린 세상을 향해 접던 우산
영원의 약속에 활짝 폈던 우산
이제는 찢겨진 우산
아래 두 맘
돌아봐도 이제는 없겠죠
두 손은 주머니 속 깊게 넣겠죠
이리저리 자유롭게 걸어도
두 볼은 가랑비도 쉽게 젖겠죠

어느새 빗물이
내 발목에 고이고
참았던 눈물이
내 눈가에 고이고
I cry

그대는 내 머리위에 우산
어깨위에 차가운 비 내리는 밤
내 곁에 그대가
습관이 되어버린 나
난 그대없이는 안되요
alone in the rain

난 열어놨어 내 맘의 문을
그댄 내 머리 위에 우산
그대의 그림자는 나의 그늘
그댄 내 머리 위에 우산
난 열어놨어 내 맘의 문을
그댄 내 머리 위에 우산
그대의 그림자는 나의 그늘
그댄 내 머리 위에 우산

나의 곁에 그대가 없기에
내 창밖에 우산을 들고
기다리던 그대
I cry

그대는 내 머리위에 우산
어깨위에 차가운 비 내리는 밤
내 곁에 그대가
습관이 되어버린 나
난 그대없이는 안되요
I need you back in my life

그대는 내 머리위에 우산
어깨위에 차가운 비 내리는 밤
내 곁에 그대가
없는 반쪽의 세상
그댄 나 없이는 안돼요
forever in the rain

translation

Before I even realized the rain gathered around my feet
and the tears that I kept from falling are pooling in my eyes
I cry

Sounds of the clock in an barren room
The noise of the rain on the roof and my lips
Inside the pocket of the coat I rarely wear
is the ring along with the overwhelming memory
I haven’t seen the city in a few days
The gathered rain are like little mirrors
I struggle within them because of the pain
Because without you I’m a chair with a short leg
The umbrella was too small for the both of us
but the umbrella shielded us from the cold world
Now it seems much to big and awkward.
Your left shoulder always got so wet
I hang my head with the weight of the memories
My shoelaces are untied, undone
and all thats next to me is the rain and wind
(not there) is a person that will hold my umbrella for a while
and I cry

Before I even realized the rain gathered around my feet
and the tears that I kept from falling are pooling in my eyes
I cry

chorus
You were the umbrella above my head
In the night where the cold rain fell above my shoulders
You being by my side was a habit
I can’t be without you
alone in the rain

The ground has gathered the tears of the sky
I can see the moon behind the clouds that block the stars
The sound of lonely shoes echo down the alley
I turn around-
Its just heart wrenching night
A shadow that looks just like me
The two of us that couldn’t see “us”
Are we now two people?
The answer is so lonely
The picture in my mind and my response is vague
The umbrella was too big in my eyes
The umbrella I will close facing the world that made me cry
The umbrella that I opened with the promise of forever
Under the ripped umbrella are the two hearts
I guess even though I turn around you wont be there
I put my two hands deep inside my pockets
Even though I walk as if carefree
My two cheeks will become wet so easily

Before I even realized the rain gathered around my feet
and the tears that I kept from falling are pooling in my eyes
I cry

*chorus

I opened the door of my heart
you’re the umbrella above my head
You are my shadow, I am your shade
You’re the umbrella above my head
I opened the door of my heart
you’re the umbrella above my head
You are my shadow, I am your shade
You’re the umbrella above my head

Because you are not next to me
I waited outside with an umbrella
outside your house
I cry

*chorus

You were the umbrella above my head
In the night where the cold rain fell above my shoulders
You being by my side was a habit
I can’t be without you
forever in the rain

~kullu 'aamin waantum bikhairin~

2008-09-30T15:59:00.000+01:00

Dapatkan Mesej Bergambar di Sini

~$$$$$$~

2008-09-26T09:38:00.004+01:00

"Waa~ cunnyer baju tu!"
"Haah laa, cute sesangat! Beli la Mun, sesuai untuk kau."
"Alemak, harga die mahal plak! Ades, poket aku kering dah ni."
"Ala, card credit kan ada. Raya setahun sekali, Mun. Ntah2, nanti baju ni orang beli, putih mata laa kau."
"Ye tak ye jugak."

this is the truth about our society:

KITA SUKA BERHUTANG!!!!

hutang kereta, hutang rumah, hutang credit card, hutang XXX, hutang YYY..........
kanan kiri hutang.
orang kata, nilah cara baru untuk menikmati barangan mahal, sambil pakai sambil bayar.......

tu kalau boleh bayar.
kalau x boleh bayar?
jadilah macam ni LINK

saya pun berhutang gak. BANYAAAAKKK. biler laa boleh bayar.

2008-09-23T05:49:00.001+01:00

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pendek kate, sangat x de mood

~metamorphosis~

2008-09-07T16:49:00.006+01:00

Dulu, ada seekor ulat bulu. Semua takut dengan rupa dia. Menakutkan. Gerun. Ulat bulu tu agak sedih jugak laa sebab orang takut dengan dia. Tapi, dia tak nak fikirkan sebab dia gembira menjadi diri dia. Dan tetap ada makhluk lain yang terima dia seadanya. Dia gembira dengan rakan-rakannya.

Selepas satu tempoh, tiba-tiba ulat bulu tu perasan ada perubahan pada diri dia. Dia berhenti menjadi ‘dia’. Keliru, dia menyorok dalam kepompongnya, mengharapkan jawapan terhadap perubahan-perubahan yang dialaminya.

Selepas satu tempoh yang panjang, dia pun keluar daripada kepompong. Dia dah boleh terbang! Dia berterbangan dengan gembiranya di sekeliling hutan. Semua haiwan lain menyambut baik. Ada yang dahulunya bermasam muka memandang dia, tersenyum mesra bila nampak dia. Pelik. Dia gembira semua orang menyambut baik dengan dia. Tapi, dia rasa kurang selesa dan takut dengan mereka.

Penat, dia berhinggap di dahan. Air sungai di bawah dahan ditenungnya. Dia terkejut. Eh, Itu aku ke??? Rupanya berbeza. Lebih menarik berbanding ulat yang penuh bulu dulu. Kemudian, dia terfikir. Adakah semua orang yang baik dengan dia sekarang padahal dulunya membenci dia, suka padanya kerana rupanya sekarang? Dia gembira dan sedih pada waktu yang sama. Gembira kerana orang menyenangi dia. Sedih kerana dia masih merindui dia yang dahulu, yang tidak diendahkan orang lain kecuali yang benar-benar sahabat, tidak dikelilingi orang yang hanya mementingkan rupa dan gaya. Adakah dia lebih baik dahulunya atau sekarang?

METAMORPHOSIS. The process each of us has to go through.

METAMORPHOSIS. A journey from a rowdy half-tomboy to a muslimah solehah. Insya-Allah.

~my everything~

2008-09-07T13:11:00.001+01:00

Mama, mom, mummy, ummi, momma, mamito, emak, mak, okasan, ah ma, amma,
There are lots and lots of nickname for this figure.

Mine is Mama, or sometimes Mak; or some other times if I feel a bit gedik, mengada n manja --- Mummy or Mamito.

And I call my father Baba. Daddy and Abati both still in the list, depends on which mood I’m on. I couldn’t call him ayah or abah or bapak, though. It felt awkward.

I just watched Juno, a movie. The girl asked the father about unconditional love. The one who loves her whether she’s beautiful or ugly, fat or thin, good mood or bad mood, smart or stupid. And the father answered: “You have your D – A – D.”

And I thought, if I ever have someone who loves me like that, it’s going to be my Mama. Oh, and Baba. (Sorry, Ba. I promise you’re the only guy I’m in love with. ^_^)

My parents love me unconditionally. They don’t care whether I am stupid or smart, beautiful or ugly, thin or fat (altho we all are skinny girls!!!). They don’t care whether my IQ and EQ are high or not. They don’t care whether I excel in sports or not. They just love me because of myself. Not because I always score in my exam, and I got JPA scholarship to further study overseas, not because I’m on the way to medic course or whatsoever.

They love me because I am who I am.

Mama, carried me around for 9 months, endured all hardship to ensure I will be able to come out to world safely. And when everything seemed to be in serenity and peace, I scrapped the whole thing by having bronchitis and got very sick; forcing my mama to stay in hospital for days, leaving my father and eldest sister to take care of the whole mess of a house could be when a newborn is ill. Although my mother cheerily said that she felt happy to be out of house chores for those days by staying in the hospital, I know it’s not like that. My father told me how worried they were around the period, and how hard it was for both of them.
There, I kicked off my life by making my parents worried and scared. Way to go for someone named PEACE!

There were a lot of other incidents I’ve caused, bringing my parents troubles and woes. I’ve caused Baba to be troubled by my own doings. I’ve caused Mama grieves, miseries and unhappiness through my words, my action and my face expressions. I tend to be rebellious during my lower secondary years. My mama shed a lot of tears because of me. Her ungrateful, stupid, immature, rude, dim-witted daughter.
And now, I’m bringing my problems to them. I’ve burdened them with a decision that I’m the only one should make, but I’m pulling them in due to my immaturity and stupidity, indecisiveness of me.
And they said? They said they will never push me to do something I don’t want and I should do whatever I want to. They just want me to be happy. My Ba said ‘never do the things you don’t want to’. But I am so foolish that I don’t know what I really want and what I really don’t. And I’ve caused so much hassle for them already.

But still, they love me. They will always accept me as me. And they promised, they will support me in whatever am I doing (as long as it doesn’t clash with Allah’ syariat).

In this life, we need support. And I really need my beloved ones’. My BA and MA proved to me that their love has never been conditional and endless. The love is eternal to the days after death. I shall never find human’s love as pure as their love.

When I asked myself, would I be able to love them the same way they love me?
Would I be able to love them even if they don’t have any money, no house, no car and no Internet connection in the first place?
What if they fall sick? Would I be able to take care of them with the same patience, tenderness, and love they have shown me all along?
My Mama once said: “Seorang mak tu mampu jaga anak-anak die yang ramai-ramai sekaligus. Tapi, mampu ke anak-anak die yang ramai tu jaga die yang seorang bila dah tua, dah sakit, dah tak boleh jalan nanti?”

I don’t have the answer for that. But deep down in my heart, I made a promise; I will never ever turn away from my MaMa when she needed me at most. Never again. I have broken her heart a lot of times unconsciously. When I was angry, I always thought she never understand me and she never love me. She just wants to dominate me and my life. But I was always WRONG. She always wants the BEST for me, not for herself but for the undeserving child she loves.

The same goes with my Baba. When I told her I am following ‘usrah’ and I’ve gotten a lot of ‘fikrah’, he said: “Have you ever realized for all these years, I’ve been trying to tell you the exact thing? But I know you could never accept it from me. You need somebody else to show you the way. However, I am glad now that you’ve realized and understood. Alhamdulillah.”
I was flabbergasted, speechless. Yes, Baba had always been trying and I was never willing to accept it, until some outsiders shoved me to the path. But still, instead of being angry with me, Baba said Alhamdulillah. Why? Because he always loves me and wants the best for me. He wants me to be in Allah’s blessing. Bukan sebab nak jaga nama, bukan sebab die takut anak-anak bawak malu dalam masyarakat, tapi sebab tanggungjawab dan sayang die sebagai seorang ayah.

Who should I give me love to, my respect and my honor to?
Who should I pay good mind to,
After Allah and Rasulullah?
Your mother.
Who next?
Your mother.
Who next?
Your mother.
Who next?
Your father.

Thank you, Allah for my mother. And father.

~what you see is not always what it really is~

2008-09-06T02:20:00.007+01:00

We always say seeing is believing.
But our eyes do not always tell us the
TRUTH.

where is the top actually?

another:

where is the start? where is the end?

and another:

the source of water?

so think again, seeing is NOT ALWAYS believing~

PS: FOUND IN FRIENDSTER!!!

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

~pantun untuk wanita~

2008-08-31T14:20:00.001+01:00

Pakai tudung tapi bertelanjang
Itulah gaya orang sekarang
Mana tidaknya, ukuran body semua terang-terang
Yang mana kendur yang mana tegang

Baju nipis nampak bayang
Peha gebu saja ditayang
Lebih baik tak pakai baju senang
Dah tentu boleh tunjuk terang-terang

Baju ketat seluar sendat
Pakai tudung just ikat-ikat
Dari mula memang bukan adat
Disudut agama pun gaya tak berkat

Tudung jarang baju nipis
Pakai sikit boleh nampak 'garis'
Mata orang terbeliak, kita membengis
Bila kena kutuk, kenapa menangis

Lengan pendek blaus gantung
Jeans ketat melekat dipunggung
Jadi orang Islam ni sebenarnya beruntung
Agama tak suruh berbungkus macam pocong

Apa rasanya, kepala bertudung, kain terbelah
Kalau takat rambut orang kurang ghairah
Lain kalau peha gebu atau ternampak lurah
Mata yang memandang boleh keluar darah

Kebaya ketat, kain terbelah
Ikat tudung macam tak sudah
Nak ikut suruhan agama memang tak mudah
Tapi Islam sebenarnya indah

Tutup aurat bukan suruh berselubung
Sampai tak nampak muka dan hidung
Yang faham tuntutan amat beruntung
Taklah bersungut mulut pun muncung

Dah kalau mula minat nak bertudung
Cubalah sesuaikan apa yang disarung
Kalau masih rasa jiwa tu 'mendung'
Maknanya nafsu tu belum dapat dibendung

Bertudung itu bukan satu paksaan
Ianya lebih kepada keinsafan
Selalunya nafsu masih dikuasai syaitan
Itu la pasal fesyen pun yang bukan-bukan

Asal menutup aurat itu tuntutan
Kalau dianggap susah, tu sebab bosan
Yang ye nya hati tak berkenan
Tu yang berjela-jela mencipta alasan

Menutup aurat satu syariat
Kepada agama kita taat
Hidup berkat pahala berlipat-lipat
Didunia selamat, di akhirat hebat

Dalam tiap perbuatan, kita mulakan
dengan niat
Gitu juga bertudung, janganlah konon nak
tunjuk taat
Alamat pahala lebur, dosa bertingkat-tingkat
Mentelah pula berfesyen tak kena tempat

Baik tak bertudung kalau hanya nak rosak
imej
Walhal Islam suruh pakai yang sopan dan
manis
Dah kalau takat pakaian ngalahkan pengemis
Atas tutup, bawah buka, ni apa punya jenis?

Kita memang hidup dalam era serba maju
Sungguhlah iman tak dinilai just ikut baju
Kalau bertudung tapi pakai yang 'gitu-gitu'
Kita pun susah kenal, manusia ke hantu

Banyak salah faham bila mula bertudung
Maknanya no fesyen-fesyen only the baju
kurung
No more pant suit, kebaya or kebarung
Dah kalau gitu lebih baik duduk berkurung

Bertudung bergaya biarlah yang sempurna
Tak jadi bahan kutuk, jangan pula
menambah dosa
Pun tak usahlah juga terlebih gaya
Islam itu suka yang sederhana

Kenalah pula kita wanita bekerjaya
Fesyen busana muslimah yang paling kena
Kalau rasa nak letak kaler, tu yang
paling asas je
Sebab agama sendiri menggalakan kita selesa

Mana tidaknya, bila bekerja kita bergaul
semua
Kalau sendiri memandang muka pun layu je
Orang dok mengata, kita pun rasa terhina
Dah kalau 'put color' jangan macam
'rainbow' pula

Siapa kata kita tak boleh berwarna
Tak caya cuba tengok semua pendakwah kita
Ustazah-ustazah mereka tetap juga bubuh
kaler
Taklah sampai mengancam, cuma biar
nampak 'bernyawa'

Tu sebab kita buat kerja semua dengan niat
Jadi terserah budi bicara tuan punya jasad
Dah kononnya bertudung tapi hati masih jahat
Baik tak le payah berpura nak tutup aurat

Kalau dah memang rasa nak berubah
Peduli kata orang bukan dia yang susah payah
Asal niat, matlamat dan cara kita istiqamah
Lantak mereka lah kalau nak tergigit lidah

Bersamalah kita mengkaji semula
Pakaian kita yang bagaimana gayanya
Andai belum betul-betul bersedia
Janganlah kita mencemar kesuciannya

Andai terasa hidayah menyinggah
Lakukan yang betul mengikut sunnah
Menutup aurat jangan sekali dirasa payah
Mengapa diperleceh, itukan perintah

Andai dihati redha dan ikhlas
Diwajah Nur terpancar jelas
Walaupun bergaya tak berapa 'kelas'
Asal Tuhan tahu, diakhirat pengorbanan
terbalas

Harap maaflah kalau terlalu panjang
Bukan sengaja mereka yang bukan-bukan
Berpantun seloka bukan setakat hiburan
Yang mana betul jadikan pedoman..

~love~love~menotneedlove???~

2008-08-20T07:23:00.002+01:00

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.

You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.

And in return, you expect the same from who you love.

Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is low.

You've probably either had only one relationship...

Or all of your relationships have been very similar.

You still have a lot to learn. And a lot to try!

Dominance:

Your dominance is low.

This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.

You know a relationship is not about getting your way.

And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is medium.

You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...

But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.

You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.

Independence:

Your independence is high.

You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.

Having your own life is very important for you...

Even more important than having a relationship.

The Five Variable Love Test

~popular? wow!~

2008-08-20T07:23:00.001+01:00

What These Tulips Say About You

You are very popular and universally admired.

You are often hopelessly in love, and you connect to other people easily.

You are a naturally cheerful and upbeat person. You have an amazing smile.

What Do The Flowers You Pick Say About You?

~a story~

2008-08-13T16:13:00.001+01:00

grabbed form jijah's haven

Ada seorang lelaki pergi ke kedai gunting rambut utk menggunting rambut dan janggutnya. Apabila barber itu memulakan tugasnya, mereka pun berborak dan bercakap mengenai byk perkara. Tapi bila mereka mula berbicara mengenai ALLAH, barber itu pun berkata,
'' Saya tak percaya Allah itu wujud.''
''kenapa kamu kata begitu?'' tanya si lelaki tadi.
'' cuba kamu keluar di tgh jln itu dan tunjukkan pd saya bahawa allah itu wujud. kalau betul allah wujud,kenapa ramai sgt org sakit kat luar tu? kenapa masih ada kanak2 yg terbiar? kalau betul allah wujud,dah tentu tiada kesakitan dan keperitan hidup dlm dunia ni. saya x dpt bayangkan allah yg maha penyayang boleh membenarkan semua ini berlaku''.
si lelaki itu pun berfikir sejenak. tapi dia tidak memberi sebarang jawapan kerana tidak mahu memulakan pertengkaran. selepas barber itu menghabiskan tugasnya, si lelaki tadi pun pergi.selepas beberapa langkah,si lelaki tadi ternampak seorg lelaki berambut panjang,selekeh,kotor dan janggut tidak terurus. si lelaki tadi pun berpatah balik dan pergi semula ke kedai gunting rambut tadi dan berkata,
'' kamu tahu tak yg sebenarnye barber jgk tidak wujud?''
''kenapa kamu kata mcm tu? sedangkan saya baru saje gunting rambut kamu tadi''.kata barber.
''tidak!'' kata si lelaki tadi.''kalau barber wujud, dah tentu tidak ada org yg berambut panjang tidak terurus dan kotor serta janggut yg panjang dan kotor mcm lelaki di tepi jalan itu''
.''ah! barber mmg wujud! lelaki tu jadi mcm tu sbb dia tidak dtg pada saya utk menggunting rambutnye!''.kata barber.''tepat sekali!''. kata si lelaki tadi.
''that's the point!. allah jgk wujud. itulah yg terjadi (keperitan&penderitaan) jika manusia tidak mengingatinya dan kembali padanya utk memohon pertolongan.''

~oohh..... so perfect!~

2008-08-13T13:09:00.001+01:00

Tensed, stressed, feeling pressured.
Those are the common feelings for teenagers nowadays.

Morning – school
Afternoon – tuition, Mandarin or French classes perhaps?
Late Afternoon – Softball practice, bowling training etc… etc…
Evening – Piano lesson, a lorry of homework
Then sleep.
The next morning, do it all over again.

This is the reality: The routine of a student today, from as early as 7 years to 18 years old. All because the rush of socialite parents who compete whose children are perfect, mine or yours? And the children had to follow as well. Parents who are busy everyday typing on their laptop keyboards, Blackberry keypads (and other new high-tech gadgets as well) expect their children to be all-rounder; achieve highest grade in school, fluent in 2 foreign languages with French as the top one, music prodigy as well as the champion of sports tournament; making the parents happy and proud because they have worked hard and invested a lot of money for their offspring, including hiring a special tutor, a special coach and lots of French maids. Are those enough???
No, we, children, do not expect all that. We do not want money, or a big castle to live in, or … or…
What we want is just parents’ attention, which seems much more expensive than all the other expenses paid by parents. We want parents’ support in everything we do, not the ‘push’ to be perfect human.

And what is perfect?
Today, to be perfect is: straight A’s, holding a position in high committee of each clubs joined, music prodigy, multilingual, and athletic limbs who won every grand tournaments in this world. What else? Oohh….. so perfect!!!
Crazy Idea!!!

You cannot expect a human to be so perfect, totally NOT when the parents aren’t so.
The truth is: the idea of having PERFECT CHILDREN is taking huge toll on teenagers, not just in Malaysia but in most parts of the world as well. Because of the pressure given by the parents, teenagers have less time for themselves. Due to the mission accomplishing their parents’ dreams, they have to sacrifice their own selves. DRIVING THEM MENTALLY UNSTABLE.

Parents, accept this: You are not perfect yourself, why bother telling your children to be one?
Let children be kids. They need time, love and care to grow up, not pressure and pushing.

My parent never push me, they give me a lot of freedom. And I’m proud to say that I am not perfect because I know human can never be perfect as if the definition of today’s PERFECT.
Allah has said in Al-Quran:

“Sesungguhnya Kami telah menciptakan manusia dalam bentuk yang sebaik-baiknya.”

When He said perfect, it means perfect for the reason an individual live. Perfect as He provide. So why would we; human want to create our own definition of perfect?
Perfect for me is not perfect for you. Perhaps for me, a short, chubby guy is perfect enough but for you a dream guy must be tall, model-like and all that macho. Maybe for me, a cute, funny girl as a friend is good enough but for you, the SHE must be just like Miss Universe walking gracefully. We have different view on the same thing.
Remember, Allah won’t look at our appearance, our certificates, and our grades. HE will only look at IMAN and AMAL.

~jauhi ikhTilat~

2008-07-30T17:07:00.001+01:00

zikr for myself and others as well
grabbed from somewhere:

Jom kita berkongsi tip-tip berurusan dengan bukan muhrim:

1. Elakkan berhubungan dengan lelaki. Kalau ada peluang untuk minta bantuan dari nisa' (bagi nisa') dan rijal (bagi rijal), mintalah tolong mereka. Lainlah benda-benda di luar kudrat kita contohnya apabila nisa' minta bantuan rijal soal baiki latop, kereta dan perkara-perkara yang tak mampu dilakukan nisa'. Silalah mempergunakan kemahiran dan kepakaran yang ada. Begitu jugalah sebaliknya bagi rijal.

2. Andai terpaksa berhubung dengan bukan muhrim gunakanlah perantaraan berbentuk tulisan seperti sms, nota kecil dan sebagainya. Ringkaskan dan padatkan ayat-ayat. Tak perlulah meletakkan ikon senyum yang sememangnya comel. Tak perlu disertakan dengan gelak ketawa seperti huhu, haha, hihi, hikhik. Seolah –olah kanak-kanak tadika mengajar mengeja. Apatah lagi benda-benda lain yang kurang berfaedah.

Andai terdesak sangat untuk bercakap melalui telefon, jagalah suara anda terutama nisa' selari dengan tuntutan Al-Quran: "Wahai isteri2 nabi, kamu bukanlah seperti perempuan-perempuan lain jika kamu bertaqwa. Maka janganlah lemah lembutkan suara dalam berbicara, sehingga bangkit nafsu org yang ada penyakit dlm hatinya, tetapi ucapkanlah perkataan yg baik." Takkanlah nak tunggu Allah menempelak kita dengan balaNya?

3. Tundukkan hati. Sepatutnya apabila kita berurusan dengan bukan muhrim kita perlu risaukan kemurkaanNya. Banyak-banyaklah berdoa semoga urusan dipermudahkan dan bebas daripada fitnah. Minta dariNya supaya dipelihara daripada panahan syaitan.

4. Tundukan pandangan. Jangan tertipu dgn matapelajaran kaedah berkomunikasi yang kita belajar "make eye contact with the person you're talking to". Melainkan dengan kaum sejenis. Teramatlah disarankan demi membina ukhwah yang kukuh. Berwaspada dengan konsep "dari mata turun ke hati". Tak bermakna tundukan pandangan sehingga jalan terlanggar tiang.

5. Mempercepatkan urusan. Apabila ada urusan, segerakanlah kerja. Tak perlulah sampai hendak berkongsi hal peribadi, luahan hati, gelak ketawa dan sebagainya yang tidak penting. Berbincanglah di tempat yang sesuai dan segerakan urusan. Jangan lupa peneman anda.

Insya-Allah, all of us will gain benefits.

~feminism celebration~

2008-07-30T14:01:00.004+01:00

Once, a male ex-classmate asked me
"Why did you seem to hate guys so much (in primary school)?"

....................

I don't know how to answer the question
But then, I replied promptly:
"Perhaps because I'm jealous of you guys."

Jealous? Although I was about to reply that “you and other guys were so disgusting, insolent, big bully of girls…. Etc, etc…” but the green word come first.
Jealous?
When I think about it, perhaps I really felt jealous towards the male species.

Why?

Because they have almost everything I want, given them from the day they are born.
Strength, good brain, masculine look, tough loud voice, etc, etc…..
And they are not using it wisely!!!
And that’s the reason why I hate them most.

Truthfully, I felt disgusted with being a girl, because a girl is so weak and meek, always cry and cry, never know how to get things in their way. That was what the society perceives us the female.
Stereotypically, female always associated with delicate physical features, small voice, eyes teary almost all the time, of lower level compared to their male counterparts. Furthermore, because of men’s vicious mind, women need to take extra precaution and protection.
(Discrimination here: Girls are labeled as ‘slut’ when they have a lot of partners and guys will be proudly called ‘stud’ for that….. Etc….. Etc….)

In fairytales, the plot goes almost the same. A nice kind-hearted pretty princess is kept by a villain, and then a handsome prince will come, kill the villain and set her free and then get the princess as her wife. Get it? Females are just good when they are pretty and behave well and they are rewards for tough handsome guys. They are weak; they never know how to fight back for themselves.

Just like what Tata Young sang: “I don’t want to be like Cinderella, sitting in the dark dusty stellar, waiting for somebody to come and set me free.” I definitely do not want to be like Cinderella. I’m going to fight for myself.

I hated being a girl for that. I hate being labeled as weak and someone who for eternity need protection from males, someone who is emotional and not rational while making decisions. I hate it when people said the only place for girls is in the kitchen (my mum doesn’t approve with the saying also, and so is my grandma). I hated being a girl because the society frequently discriminate us.

I wanted to be a guy, strong and tall, would be able to protect everyone he cares about, and all the privileges they have. I even imagined what my life will be if only I was born as a guy; I definitely going to be the best guy ever, loved by all the sweet girls I always love. (Love as love, not romantically.)

I practiced to walk like a guy, no with a lady’s grace. (If you notice that I walk funny, this is the main reason for that.) I worked hard to control my cute voice in order not to sound as feminine as it is. I acted tough in front of guys, even fight with them if they try to bully other girls.

I felt strong, I felt happy I could protect my precious friends. I didn’t want the guys to ever lay their hands on the sweet girls.

I started to hate guys. I hated them for all the gifts ALLAH gave them which they never appreciate and if only ALLAH give me those, I will be the best man ever alive, or so I thought. I told myself, I would forever hide and keep my femininity locked in a box. I would never ever cover myself with it. I declared that I am a handsome human with no gender. Such extremity. When friends told me I always look like a girl (they even told me that I’m pretty so that I stopped saying stupid things, typical girls’ white lies), I would deny and said I look like a boy because I am so thin.

And I was happy for those years.

Then, as I grow older, the box turns out to be a Pandora box.
And I didn’t realize that somehow it is opened. By who?
The effect? Disastrous. Definitely.

If only the 12-years old ME saw myself in this state, I’m sure she (preferred to be called he at that time) will declare me as a typical sweet girl who need her protection in this world.

But, but, but, but………………………………….
When I think about it. The answer is so clear.
I am a female, and will always be.
And a female is not what people usually think of: weak.

Females are strong. Who gave birth to us? Father or mother?
Of course our mothers. And our mothers are females.
Why I said females are strong?
Because the mothers are able to go through all the labor pain just to make sure a baby is born to the world.
Do you think labor pain is just another painful experience? NO, IT IS NOT. Although I never experience it, nevertheless, according to the women I listened to, the pain is almost like kissing Death. And you may die anytime if your body is not strong enough.

Can man give birth? Can they stand the pain? No, only women are strong enough to do so. ALLAH gave us the strength to do it. And for most of women, they do not endure the suffering once only, they go twice and third time. There are even women who go through the painful experience for 13 times. AREN’T WOMEN STRONG?

Women’s emotional value is not a flaw but a blessing (rahmat). People started to realize that logic only is not enough to make important decision. Emotional element is vital as well. The feminism is celebrated almost everywhere in the world. And females are no longer considered as the maid of the house anymore. More of us are going out, furthering studies until Master, PhD, etc, and becoming engineers, doctors, working in the society. Many become president of big companies. Why? Because more men become incapable of being leaders and thus women had to take over in order to make sure that the world won’t go haywire.

I realize one thing, the more precious one thing is, more protection acts are taken to guard it. Aren’t women precious? We need protection because we are precious. We do not depend on males actually protection, we depend solely on ALLAH and HIS power. The guys are only the medium of HIS power.

Besides, it is Allah’s law (sunnatullah) that everyone wants protection from others. A child regardless male or female, would want to be protected by parents. An ‘abd would want to be protected by The Creator, Allah.(And to HIM I ask for protection.) And I know it all along. Even how strong I am outside, I still need somebody beside me. The one whose shoulders for me to cry on. The one whose ears to listen to my babblings all the time. The one who can give PEACE in my heart, returning the sunshine back in my heart, making sure that the rainbow is always there after heavy rain. Male or female, we all need somebody to hang on. Male or female, we all have the ups and downs. And we all have the right to shed tears when we want to. I realized, crying doesn’t mean weak, but it is a way to throw away your sorrow to prepare for the next day.
I am a precious person as I need protection and I am strong because I protect my honor by wearing hijab. I am proud to be a girl. Thank you ALLAh for creating me as a girl. Forgive my past sins, I always question your decision before although I’m not entitled to do so. Only you know the best for me. And I pray for the best in my akidah/tauhid, religion, this immortal life and the eternal life soon.

prejudice!

2008-07-28T02:00:00.002+01:00

today. my friends told me that I'm prejudice towards two things:
school counselor and ........... guys.

okay, I admit,
I harbor strange hatred toward school counselors,
especially in a sponsored school.
why?
because my friends had bad experience with them
and frankly speaking, why would I tell my mental problems to someone who'll inform my

sponsor then?
so I admit, I don't believe them.

guys?
I don't know, I'm not sure about that.
tho I admit I do have 'prejudice' toward them during my years in alamin.
but I thought now i am not.

but the girls said I do.
the way I treat guys differ so much from the way I treat girls
and I keep on saying how unworthy, undependable, egoist they are
and so the girls sAID.

but then, of course!
they're not muhrim!
I cannot treat them as nice as I do to girls
anyway, girls are sweet,
guys are boring, egoist and bla-bla-blah....
they love to tease girls without thinking the consequences
they do not know how to treat girls with tender loving care.
they are just not worth it.

oooopss............
now it's really clear
I do hold prejudice against guys.
but I don't think it's all my fault.
if only guys are more like those sweet girls
I will probably love them and be sweet to them
but they are NOT.

how can you expect me to love them like I love girls?
they are of a totally different species than us.

yes, my father and brother are guys.
and I love my father so much = I love a guy so much in my life
who said I cannot love a guy then?
and I'm really nice towards the lab assistant uncles in KMB.
even the uncles always treat me nicely and smile to me from far away when they see me.

but to guys at the same age as mine...
I don't know.
I don't know how to treat them.
maybe my cold relationship with my older brother affects my impression toward guys

I read somewhere that if a girl is close to the father,
she will feel comfortable around old males
and if she is close to male siblings,
she will feel comfortable around their males colleagues

perhaps that can explain my behaviour towards the guys. hahaha.
so it's NOT my fault.

~cinta @ love~

2008-07-27T13:59:00.001+01:00

my friend (girl) said:

" kenapa aku perlu sibuk mencari cinta?
cinta itu tidak perlu dicari, cinta itu milikNYA yang pasti
cintaku diberikan oleh ALLAH Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim
TUhan yang MAHA Pemurah dan Pengasih
dia yang mewujudkan rasa itu,
dan dia berupaya untuk menghilangkannya sekelip mata
tanpa kita sedari
kun fayakun.

mengapa aku sayang pada ibuku?
kerana ALLAH memberi cinta kepadaku
kenapa ibuku menyayangiku walaupun aku akui, aku bukan anak yang baik
sering menyebabkan ibu risau, bersedih dan kecewa dengan diriku.
tapi, ibu masih menyayangiku meski x terlafaz di bibirnya.
sentiasa menerima permintaan ampunku berkali-kali.

mengapa?
kerana ALLAH beri rasa cinta kepada sang ibu.

mengapa aku sayang pada kawan-kawanku?
kerana ALLAH beri cinta itu kepadaku.
dan ALLAH memberi cinta itu kepada mereka.

manusia tidak berdaya mencipta rasa cinta yang suci dan kudus ini.

cinta itu datang hanya dariNYA
dan atas kuasaNYA ia hidup, kukuh berdiri.
dan atas kuasaNYA ia akan gugur, terhapus dari hati manusia.

semuanya ketentuanNYA
untuk apa perlu aku gusar kerana cinta dunia?

pada suatu saat, atau detik

meski hati menidakkan,
meski semua di langit dan di dunia mengatakan tidak
tetapi DIA menitahkan IYA
cinta itu akan lahir, dan subur.

tetapi jika Allah tarik balik cinta itu,
ia akan hilang selamanya
tanpa sebarang bekas, kesan yang ia pernah berbunga di ladang hati
lenyap, tidak dilihat lagi
hanya seperti angin yang berlalu sebentar

aku akui, aku pernah merasakan keinginan untuk bercinta
kerana nafsu dunia mengejarku ibarat bayang-bayang, manghantui, meracuni.
tapi aku tersedar kini
cinta yang kekal abadi ialah cinta ALLAH
jika kita sudah punyai cinta suci itu di hati,
tiada apa yang bisa mengapa-apakan kita di dunia ini.

alhamdulillah, tabir maluku tidak tersingkap demi cinta dunia,
cinta yang berlandaskan nafsu semata-mata.
dan aku segera terbangun dari tidurku.

kini, aku mulakan langkah untuk pengembaraan terbesar
mengenali diri, peranan dan sebab perjalananku di dunia
demi mengenali DIA, PENCIPTA ku, PEMILIK ku
demi mencARI CINTA NYA yang memberi rasa cinta kepadaku

dan cinta kepada orang yang ditaqdirkan?
aku akan menunggu, apabila orang itu tiba.
dan bertanya kepada TUHANKU adakah dia taqdirku.
jika IYA, aku redha.
dan jika BUKAN, juga aku redha.

kerana jika itu cinta atas titah ALLAH
walau aku renangi sejauh dari LAutan Atlantik ke LAutan Pasifik
atau aku rentasi padang pasir Saudi ke gurun di pergunungan Mongolia
tetap tak upaya aku lari dari taqdirNYA.

jika ia bukan taqdirku,
walau kudaki Gunung Everest, walau kurenangi LAutan Api sekalipun,
walau aku terbang hingga ke Pluto demi cinta itu,
aku tidak akan memilikinya.
kerana ia bukan milikku.
tak akan pernah sekali
menjadi milikku.

kawan-kawanku,
jika cinta itu kerana rupa,
ingatlah, wajah manusia tidak kekal.
jika cinta itu kerana harta,
ingatlah harta itu akan habis.
jika cinta itu kerana keturunan,
ingatlah keturunan juga tidak berkekalan.

carilah cinta demi cinta ALLAH
akan kekal selamanya, terpahat di jiwa,
kekal hingga ke akhir zaman, dibawa bersama ke syurga.

wahai kawanku, sungguh aku sayang kepadamu kerana ALLAH.
kupinta ALLAH sentiasa merahmati dirimu dan orang yang kau sayangi. Amin."

hope everyone will be able to gain benefit from this.

~girls' talk~

2008-07-09T06:16:00.002+01:00

“Get married? That is so lame. Living as a single is much more fun than having a guy controlling your life!”
“What? No, I will never live under the same roof with a guy! Guys are the stupidest creature ever lived on Earth! I couldn’t imagine myself living with them for years until I die. I would rather die early.”
“NO! I won’t get married even I am to be paid for million dollars for that! Not even in thousand years!”
“I want to live independently. I hate being controlled.”

I heard all those during primary and secondary school years. From the girls, of course.
And I was one of them. I had faith that if once you tie the knot, you are to surrender everything including your liberty to some guy you don’t even know more than 5 years or so.
For someone as outspoken, wild, haywire as me, that was so IMPOSSIBLE.
And since most of my friends had the same way of thinking as I had, all of them voiced out the same opinions as I did.

Now, I am 19.
Still-sweet Nineteen.
The last ‘teen’ in my life.
And so are the girls around me.
They are 19. And some are 18. Few are 20.
Okay, they won’t like it if I call them girls. Let’s call them ladies.
Young Ladies.

WHAT I REALIZED IS………..
Every time the young ladies start to talk and gossip, somehow the focus will ‘jump’ from one topic to another.
Until it reaches Marriage topic.
Now-favorite topic, eh girls?

I guess the hormones just kick in and now most of young ladies here just reach their blooming stage.
Well, I guess it is a nature rule (fitrah) that they start to think about THE BIG DAY.
I never realized that the topic gradually become a main point of females’ life.
Then…

Our college will be having ISLAM (in-depth) WEEK or Minggu Penghayatan Islam (MPI) starting 14th of July.
One of the programs is MARRIAGE COURSE or Kursus Kahwin. Yes, we will receive a Certificate for that.
(But the ustazs will keep them for us until we finish IB. They are too scared if we get married before graduating from Kolej MARA Banting and decide not to study anymore.)
But then, most of us need to attend IELTS class the Saturday we will be having the course. (I don’t need to, finished 20 hours already.)
If they don’t attend even one slot, they will not get the ‘precious’ CERT. hahaha~~

And the girls are worried now…….
Upss……… I mean the young ladies…. They are worried now.
Some are unhappy about the hectic schedule we have that becomes a barrier from getting the p.R.E.C.I.O.U.S CERT
Some are planning to skip the classes and go to the course instead. They just cannot bear living in IB without THE CERT while their friends have it.
Such dedication just for a piece of paper. Sigh. But I guess the paper does posses great POWER.
It’s funny to see how excited girls can get with the idea of marriage.

Me? Huh? Me?
I’m a fool who doesn’t understand own self.
I don’t deserve anything and anyone to love.
Until I find the answers for my BIG QUEST. Pray for me everyone.
Insya-ALLAH. HE HAD DECIDED EVERYTHING.

~the end~

2008-06-23T06:47:00.002+01:00

sampai bile nak macam ni?
entah.
tak tau.
rase cam dah lama nak stop
tapi x terstop gak.
sampai bila nk bolak balik?

that's it! no more! this has to be the end.

THE END.

~thE bEsT~

2008-06-16T12:17:00.000+01:00

have you ever experienced the feeling of disappointment in life?
i bet all of us have
even the riches and famous people experienced it

human loves to dream
dream of the future
it is good actually,
for at least if we have goal or aims,
we will work further toward it
and they make our life feel more meaningful
we have somewhere we belong with our dreams and hopes
not just wandering aimlessly on this Earth.

having no purpose of living while you are still breathing
is much worse than Death itself.
No self-worthy, no aim, no reason to live
life without aim is like eating when you dont have any stomach
no point.
and people without aim in live are more likely to resort to giving up
ending their so-called-empty life with their own hands
because life seems unbearable for them and they loathe each day they are living
with a bit of push, they will fall into the dark, bottomless pit.
gone, baby, gone.

knowing your khaliq makes you acknowledge the purpose of life
and knows how life can be meaningful, precious and peaceful as well.
even if the boundaries you face becomes so unbearable
even if everyone turns their back on you
even if the world seems like it doesnt have any empty space for you to fill in,
you will still feel content and peaceful
with Allah's love, His Rahmah.
because you know what's the REaL purpose of living.
The Journey to Find Mardhatillah.

sometimes we human set our own goal
and prioritise own-made goal more than the ONE aim al-Khaliq showed us to
children are taught to think about their future job since they are very small
in these days, to not have any ambition or dream job is like having no aim in life
i'm not saying that it is not good for us to teach childrean how to dream
but we must make sure they know the biggest purpose of living on Earth
before anything else.

I too, have dreams, goals I wish to accomplish, aims I set for myself
and they propelled my way through out the journey of life
but sometimes, I felt hollow inside
I felt empty.
I found myself walking aimlessly
doing nothing, wasting my time
I thought life is nothing, but nothingness
void.

and...........
there are times
when i felt so down
that I lost all the reasons of living
and I felt like......................
jumping into the black hole.
never to be seen again.
because of circumstances I had to face.
I admit, I was not a strong person.

then, when I began to find it
when I began to feel it
when I began to see it

it all becomes clearer
as if somebody has cleaned my view with Kleenex
I began to understand more about this world.

we, human; always plan for the day after today,
me too. I plan for my tomorrow.
and I prayed for the best for me,
for my Aqidah, for my Iman, for my Hubb, for my Dunya and for my Akhirat
I asked from Him The BesT for everything
eventhough the BesT for me according to Allah
is not what I thought the Bestest one
even if the rest of my comrades think it is not the best for me
but if Allah dictated it as the BesT for me
then it is, and will always be. Insya-Allah.

i don't want to care about what people thought of me
how they perceive me,
I just want to live
as an 'Abd to Him.
It doesn't matter if everybody feels that you're a loser
It doesn't matter if everybody oppose you decision
It doesn't matter when nobody look at you with respect instead of hatred
it doesn't matter
as long as you have Allah
ar-rahman ar-rahim, the greatest, the only one who can give you Manfaat and Mudhorat.
only Him you put your hopes on
only Him can give you peace.
them, they are only human. and human knows nothing but little.

"Boleh jadi kamu tidak suka sesuatu, padahal ia baik untuk kamu. Dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia tidak baik bagi kamu. Allah mengetahui, dan kamu tidak mengetahui."
al-Baqarah : 216

even if my dreams are shattered
even if everything I have disappears
even if everyone throws me away from their life
even if every single thing stripped away from me
I have to believe Allah's plan is better than my plan
and He always plan the BeSt for His 'Abd. Only we do not realize it.

whatever will happen, I will always pray that in the end,
I still have the title of a Muslim, a believer of this faith.
and I will always believe in Him, His Qudrat and Iradat.
insya-Allah. Aameen.

~love~love~love~myself~

2008-06-11T07:42:00.003+01:00

The Ultimate Personality Test

My Result: Observer

This means you're one of the more kind-hearted people around. You are unusually intuitive, and you probably understand yourself, as well as others. That also means you're a good mediator — though you may prefer to spend more time on your own than most.

You are better equipped than many to steer your life in the right direction. Understanding more about the components of your personality will reveal unique information that even people like you might not realize. And the better you know yourself, the more confident you'll be making decisions that affect your life.

And that's just scratching the surface!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=personality&c=50652

What's Your Dream Job?

My Result: Rocket Scientist

You could definitely hack it as a rocket surgeon. Or brain surgeon. Or rocket scientist, we mean. Sorry, we're just not as smart as you! Anyway, your perfect job would be mentally challenging and intellectually stimulating — just like you. When it comes to anything that requires an eye for detail and a quick mind, you're the one for the job.

We're not saying you're a total nerd or anything, but you do enjoy putting your mental muscle to the test, even when it comes to little things like filing documents in a flash or performing ten tasks simultaneously. Nobody does it quite like you. So put that big brain of yours to work wherever you are and you'll make it to the top. Now that's smart thinking!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=jobdreamogt&c=50652

Why Are You Still Single?

My Result: Don't Want To Compromise

You live alone and like it, thanksverymuch. Well, at least some of the time. You prefer coming and going as you please, and you don't like to be controlled or held responsible for someone else's schedule or needs. After all, you probably have plenty of friends, a satisfying career (or other projects to occupy your time), and you may simply not have room for another person right now — unless of course they can bend to meet your routine exactly. Does this sound familiar?

While we admire your go-it-alone attitude — and your carefree, open-minded spirit — you may be shutting out others from your life without realizing it. You never know, maybe if you met the right person you could learn to grow together — while holding onto your hard-earned independence.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=singleogt&c=50652

The Brain Test

My Result: Balanced-brained

That means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain, depending upon a given situation.

When you need to explain a complicated process to someone, or plan a detailed vacation, the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for your ability to solve problems logically, might kick in. But if you were critiquing an art opening or coming up with an original way to file papers, the right side of your brain, which is responsible for noticing subtle details in things, might take over.

While many people have clearly dominant left- or right-brained tendencies, you are able to draw on skills from both hemispheres of your brain. This rare combination makes you a very creative and flexible thinker.

The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=brainogt&c=50652

What's Your Signature Hairstyle?

My Result: Subtle and Sweet

Fashion schmashion. You don't worry about what's hot or who's cool since you've got the confidence to know what makes you feel good. And that's all that matters to a down-to-earth soul like you. Sure, it's fun to see what's on the runways, but if you won't feel comfortable in it, why bother?

You've got a sweet personality and fun spirit to brighten any occasion, and that's what makes your signature hairstyle so sophisticated. You don't use your hair or your look to change who you are — it's as lovely, simple, and radiant as you are. Naturally.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=hairstyleogt&c=50652

What Makes You Beautiful?

My Result: Natural Beauty

No fuss, no muss — you're a practical beauty who doesn't rely on frills and passing fads to show off your style. Down-to-earth and oh-so-cool, friends count on you for good advice and a strong shoulder to cry on.

You know what you want out of life and don't worry about impressing others with over-the-top outfits and the newest crazy styles. You've got a healthy dose of self-confidence that simply radiates beauty and grace. And nothing's more natural than that.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=beautifulogt&c=50652

~learning to love myself~

2008-06-11T07:35:00.002+01:00

What Kind of Cool Are You?

My Result: Calm, Cool, and Collected

Do your friends like to lean on your shoulder? Ask you for advice in life and love? Put you on speed-dial for emergencies? We bet they do. You're as balanced as they come. When it comes to making decisions, you're not afraid to take the time to weigh your options carefully in order to make the right choice. And it takes more than a few obstacles to rattle your cool head.

The good news is that you've also got lots of heart, and you make sure that people know that you always have their backs. There's almost nothing more important to you than the people in your life, so being a support to them is the coolest thing around. Just like you.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=coologt&c=50652

What's Your Theme Song?

My Result: Walking On Sunshine

Your upbeat approach to life makes "Walking on Sunshine" the perfect anthem for you. We can see you dancing down the vegetable isle with your grocery cart, smiling at all the checkout clerks. We sure hope you've had your Wheaties to keep up with your perky pace all day long. This happy, horn-driven tune carries you to work every day. And even in those brief lapses when you're not fully on your game, "Walking On Sunshine" seems to put things in perspective and get you back to your super groove. "And don't it feel good?" Who cares that this tune was a one-hit wonder for Katrina and the Waves? Even that quality matches your one-of-a-kindness. You're walkin' on sunshine and spreading it wherever you go.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=songogt&c=50652

Which Emoticon Are You?

My Result: Sticking-Tongue-Out Face

What's so funny? You are! That's why the emoticon that represents you best is as good-humored as you. No matter if knock-knock jokes, sarcasm, or slapstick get you going, it's clear that you've got more than a couple funny bones in your body.

Getting a laugh out of people isn't always easy, but it seems second nature to you. You're not one to take life too seriously, and you know firsthand that laughter really is the best medicine. It's no wonder people know to look no further than you when they want to have a laugh. Late-night TV had better look out. A hilarious new comic could be on the rise!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=emoticonogt&c=50652

Are You Bewitching?

My Result: Attitude

You know what they say — attitude is everything. And in your case, it's certainly one of your finest and most alluring characteristics.

Leave the complications to other people. You know how to keep things lighthearted and upbeat. A free-spirit, you don't sweat the small stuff and prefer to take things in stride. Cheerful and laidback, you light up any room, party, or boring meeting with your dazzling personality — without even twinkling your nose. And that's bewitching. Keep it up!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=bewitchingogt&c=50652

~peeking out from illusion~

2008-06-08T18:58:00.000+01:00

scream?
yeah, a great idea.
who am i?
why am i standing on this earth?
is this how my life going to be?
wake up,
online,
laugh,
help ma with chores,
runaway upstairs again
online again
and then
online again

What?????????

wake up!!
wake up from your sleep!!
you are destined for things better than this!
you're destined to be a successful mu'minah, biiznillah

Lord, show me the way.
brighten up my days
while i'm still walking
on this earth
which will disappear one day
forever.........

~TAGGED!!~

2008-06-06T04:42:00.003+01:00

After being coaxed by Asma' Nabihah for few times, i finally answer the tagged ques.
In Malay, since the Qs are in Malay. Here goes:

[1*] Berapa lama anda dah sertai usrah?
tyme skula dolu2 dh diperkenalkan. tp waktu tu, pemikiran x matang, x pernah faham. rasa best dpt ilmu tp lepas beberapa hari macam hilang. ni kat kmb, berusaha agar usrah betul2 meresap dalam jiwa, insya-allah.

[2*] Bagaimana anda boleh sertai usrah?
diwajibkan kat sekolah, pastu yg extra sebab ikut2 kawan. sekarang ni, sebab diri sendiri =)

[3*] Kenapa anda menyertai usrah?
saya nak mencari sesuatu, dan saya akan berusaha mencarinya. Insya-allah.

[4*] Tiga perasaan anda setelah menyertai usrah
alhamdulillah, la ilaha illallah, masya-allah........... sila interpret. hehehe.

[5*] Lima perkara yang anda dapat selama menyertai usrah.
1. ilmu
2. faham
3. fikrah
4. ukhuwaah
5. aim

~we are strong!!!~

2008-06-04T17:45:00.004+01:00

tangan yang mengayun buaian mampu menggoncang dunia

for generations, women had always been labeled as weak, full of emotion, always follow their heart as their head is not that bright as men, of lower rank than their counterparts.

that was so YESTERDAY

Today,
women are everywhere in the industry
head of a kingdom,
president,
prime minister,
heads of successful companies,
expert specialised doctors,
world-famous actuaries,
etc.

since women become so strong and influential?
since women can vote?
is this an epidemic of the new millennium?

if you think so, then you are totally wrong.

Women were, are and will always be strong.
Sure, women look weak, they need special care and very delicate.
But deep down, women are a lot stronger than their counterparts.
God made women so.

~where true love goes~

2008-06-02T16:39:00.003+01:00

The moment you walked inside my door
I knew that I need not look no more,
I've seen many other souls before - ah but,
Heaven must've programmed you

The moment you fell inside my dreams
I realized all I had not seen,
I've seen many other souls before - ah but,
Heaven must've programmed you.

Oh will you? Will you? Will you?
I go where True Love goes,
I go where True Love goes
I go where True Love goes,
I go where True Love goes

And if you walk along and if you lose your way,
Don't forget the one who gave you this today

Follow True Love, follow True Love,
Follow True Love, follow True Love

Oh will you? Will you? Will you?
I go where True Love goes,
I go where True Love goes
I go where True Love goes,
I go where True Love goes

And if a storm should come and if you face away,
That may be the chance for you to be safe
And if you make it through the trouble and the pain,
That may be the time for you to know his name

The moment you walked inside my door
I knew that I need not look no more,
I've seen many other souls before - ah but,
Heaven must've programmed you

The moment you fell inside my dreams
I realized all I had not seen,
I've seen many other souls before - ah but,
Heaven must've programmed you.

The moment you said "I will"
I knew that this love was real,
And that my faith was seen - oh
Heaven must've programmed you

The moment I looked into your eyes
I knew that they told no lies,
There would be no good byes - Ah
'cause Heaven must've programmed you

I go where True Love goes,
I go where True Love goes
I go where True Love goes,
I go where True Love goes

~jalanKU~

2008-05-31T11:28:00.003+01:00

aku mencari-cari
sesuatu yang tidak pasti
dalam perjalananku
aku jatuh, bangun, jatuh dan bangun lagi
begitulah berulang2 kali
namun, aku masih ingin meneruskan
pengembaraan ini.

onak dan duri aku tempuhi
kutemu pelbagai ragam kemanusiaan
ada yang ibarat kain putih,
suci dan mulus
dan ada yang berlumpur
kotor
mata-mata yang memandang menjadi jijik
tetapi
ada juga yang berwarna-warni
indah
terang
menarik mata-mata memandang
namun disebaliknya
kotor
penuh debu dan kotoran

semua itu aku hadapi

................................
kadang2
aku terfikir
untuk melarikan diri
dari jalan ini
duduk berehat
tanpa susah payah
penat lelah mencari sesuatu yang tidak pasti

...................................

tapi,
aku tetap melangkah
bangun setiap kali duduk ku
kerana
aku tak sanggup
hidup dalam penipuan
realiti itu pedih
tetapi fantasi lebih menyedihkan

aku mahu mencari jalanku.

Ya ALLAH,
berkatikah hidup hambaMU
temukan aku dengan jalanMU
dan suluhilah JalanKu agar sentiasa terang.
dan rahmatilah aku
agar kutemu apa yang dicari-cari
ameen

~sayap ku~

2008-05-25T01:58:00.000+01:00

si pandai yang bijak membuat orang ketawa
dialah tuan punya hidup yang penuh duka.
mungkin itu betul.
mungkin betul.

aku hanya tahu ketawa di hadapan kamu,
aku x tahu menangis di hadapan kamu.
aku hanya bisa menangis di belakang kamu semua,
apabila tiada mata-mata yang mengawasi,
apabila aku keseorangan.

cukuplah dengan segaris senyuman pahit,
segala duka kutelan,
meskipun lukanya sungguh dalam
kesakitannya menusuk pedih.
akan ku tempuh jua.
akan ku kumpulkan segala kekuatan yang ada,
membaiki sayap yang cedera,
mewujudkan kekuatan baharu,
dengan nafas baru,
meskipun sentiasa dikejar bayang masa lalu,
bayang-bayang menggerunkan.

biarlah sayap baru tumbuh,
sebagai galang ganti sayap tua,
sudah tercarik, tidak kuat lagi
untuk menyangga beban dan terbang di langit membiru
tinggi tanpa sempadan.
tanpa tiang apatah lagi tangga.

~alhamdulillah~

2008-05-21T11:31:00.001+01:00

Ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
Hayya nab'idil karaha (Let’s avoid the hated and hatred)
Syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)
Ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

Verse 1
I feel the heat
From these 4 candles burning
As I'm staring out the window
In solitude I look at life
From different angles
Thoughts strangled
My mind is suffocatin'
In this truth quest
A greed law
That we abide by is ruthless
Enough will never satisfy
Until we toothless
Filthy millionaires
Are gamblin' until they muflis
A sad fact of life
But mankind approved this
I gotta call Him
Sajadah is where the booth is
I'll make it clear that
I ain't even tryin' to preach ya
By sharing thoughts I hope
To find a little peace here
I thank Allah for blessing me
To be creative
So here's a diss for me
For bein' unappreciative
Wanted a perfect life
Yeah smile then die old
Fame, money, women
Phat cribos and white gold
Drive my own Beemer
Before I hit two six
A straight pink bitin' toothpicks
Who walk around town wit' two chicks
And doin' new hits to woo tricks....
Now that's wrong
Pleasure from partyin'
And bullshit don't last long
A lotta yuppies sneakin'
Cars out when dad's gone
Crackin' bottles in clubs
Frontin' designer fashion
But I ain't about
To trade happiness for a Jag
So stop smilin' with your ragtop down
Cause for a fact
I don't care about your money
Or how slick your car
'Cause no matter how rich and big you are
It's still Allahuakbar...

Chorus
Ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
Hayya nab'idil karaha (Let’s avoid the hated and hatred)
Syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)
Ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

Verse 2
I know that all this
Ain't the right thing
Partying, chasing moneys
And material things
Flying high
Think nobody gonna
Clip my wings
I'm lying to myself
Knowing that
I've been neglecting
Responsibilities
As a healthy Muslim
Riches and loot
Ain't nothing
We frontin'
Diamonds and scrilla
But forget to say
Alhamdulillah
Made my album a killer
Plan B
Now 2-3 droppin'
And I wish to
Ask for forgiveness
Your guidance
Protection and strength
For humbleness and faith
To make me a better man
Success in foreign lands
Never dreamt of that
I remember being 18
When we started Too Phat
Now let's go back
Three years before that
Sometimes I forget
Me and my parents
Took a trip with granddad
I remember '95
While performing Umrah
Made my wish in Mecca
Right in front the Kaabah
Dear God
You made it possible
When facing obstacles
Please let me do good
Before I pass on
In the hospital
And keep reciting
The Testimony of Faith
And find the right way
Out of this life's maze

Chorus
Ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
Hayya nab'idil karaha (Let’s avoid the hated and hatred)
Syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)
Ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

Verse 3
Ay yo…
Two candles go out
That's when
I feel the wind blow
I haven't met Fatim
For two years
Been livin' like I'm single
Evaluatin' all the friendships
Relationship
The reason it's the tenth year
Is 'cause she's a patient chick
And as far as friends are concerned
Many I've had it all
From those who cried for my pain
To those who plotted my fall
I learned to differentiate
Fakes from the great
Mates from the snakes
Apes wanna beef
Hate's all it takes
For me to blow
A diss song for you
Not even worthy
As an album filler
So now it's smiles
And Alhamdulillah
Yeah, love me
Or hate me
This who I am
Look at the past at times
I wish that I was born again
So I can rectify mistakes
And my wrong doings
Attempts on minimizing my sins
Before my story ends
I ain't no Eddie Murphy
Tryin' to sound as a holy man
But if I tried to be a better person
Now I prolly can
(Wait...)
Who am I to advise you
I ain't been the best
Of God's slaves
Just a poet writin'
What my thought says
A little house
A little car
A little sweet girl
Thank you Lord
I'll try to slow it down
On the cheap thrills
This song will prolly stir
A little controversy
At least I ain't be rappin'
Bout the stuff
As tho' I'm born in Jersey
Stage name is Malique
And lost name is Cairel
Mama told me
Stop complaining too much,
So I will...

Chorus
Ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
Hayya nab'idil karaha (Let’s avoid the hated and hatred)
Syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)
Ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

~munajat~

2008-04-25T10:20:00.001+01:00

TuhanKu ampunkanlah segala dosaku
TuhanKu maafkanlah kejahilan hambaMu

Ku sering melanggar laranganMu
Walau sedar atau pun tidak

Ku sering meninggalkan suruhanMu
Walau sedar aku milikMu

Bilakah diri ini kan kemabali
Kepada fitrah sebenar

Pagiku ingat petangku alpa
Begitulah silih berganti

Oh TuhanKu kau pimpinlah diri ini
Yang mendamba cintaMu

Aku lemah, aku jahil
Tampa pimpinan dariMu

Ku sering berjanji depanMu
Sering jua ku memungkiri
Ku pernah menangis keranaMu
Kemudian ketawa semula

Kau Pengasih, Kau Penyayang,
Kepada hamba-hambaMu

Selangkahku kepadaMu
Seribu langkah kau padaku

Tuhan diri ini tak layak ke syurgaMu
Tapi tidak pula ku sanggup ke NerakaMu

Mogaku selamat dunia akhirat
Seperti Rasul dan Sahabat

Dipetik dari Album Syukur-Raihan.

~wallahu a'lam~

2008-04-23T09:21:00.002+01:00

"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu,
dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu,
padahal ia amat buruk bagimu,
Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216

~extended hands~

2008-04-08T10:06:00.002+01:00

i went to Seminar Psikososial Pesakit HIV/AIDS last Saturday (5 April 08)
at Hospital Kajang, selangor Darul Ehsan.
tagged along with my MaMa
it really opens my view.
pushing me to embrace the taboo subject
giving me the insight point of view.
how much they have to suffer
because of how our society look upon them

yes, some of them made mistakes
yes, some of them made unforgivable mistakes
but....
does that means they have no way to make a U-turn?
does that means they have to live only with their like?
does that means they are not our brothers and sisters anymore?
they are MUSLIMS
but not many MUSLIMS want to accept them
what else can they do?
they only have 2 options
go back and live in the dark sideways
or live in charity homes
(which most of them, are conducted by non-muslim organizations)

nobody is there to help them
give them another chance to walk on HAQ path
nobody is there to tell them good news of taubah
to send some hope and ray of sunshine to their miserable lives

most of us simply frown
and turn away from them
"Serve you well, mister!"

" 'Abasa watawwala. an ja-auhul a'ma. wa yudrika la'allahu yazakka. au yazakkaru fatanfa'ahuzzikra."
-dia(A)bermasam muka dan berpaling. kerana datangnya seorang yang buta kepadanya. tahukah kamu barangkali dia(B) ingin membersihkan dirinya.?
atau dia(B) ingin mendapatkan pengajaran, maka pengajaran itu memberi manfaat kepadanya?

a sister once told me
whenever we read Al-Qur'an, we have to feel that all of the ayat in the Al-Qur'an are for us, our situation and our life.

think about it.

and what about the devoted wives?
they didn't do anything wrong
they just got married to wrong husbands.
and they have to suffer.
and their kids
so small to know why
other children refuse to play with them.
you have AIDS...... eeee..........
your mother is a b****
your father is a s***
you are a filthy child!!!

and what about the victims of the early days of blood transfusion?
they have to suffer for someone's else carelessness.

how do we view them?
will we help them?
insya-Allah.
aaameen.

~I rEaLize~

2008-03-29T07:14:00.001Z

after writing (rather; typing) some shitty craps last night
i thought about the whole things thoroughly
and realized
i was really a fool who made a fool of myself

who needs guys?
who needs them when i have a whole bunch of people who love me?
mA n Ba, always there for me.
my friends, sharing laughters and tears together.

guys;
religious or not,
smart or not,
good-looking or not,
funny or not,
they just not worth it.

guys;
friends?
okay.
comrades?
okay.
team mates?
totally okay.
but to fall in love?
nope, thanks but never again.
i dont need any guy.

I NEED GIRLS
i need girls to cheer me up
those lovely girls,
with lovely figures,
sweet sly smile,
annoying yet still captivating giggles.
all then, enough.
yeah, i know girls dont giggle nowadays
we laugh out loud
cause not only guys have the right to do so.
we have the right.

who cares if i'm going to die alone?
without a family of my own?
who says i dont have my own family?
a have a very happy family!
of course, i dont build it
but then i heat it up with my love
with my warmth.
and i'm not ready to part from this family
just to start a new one.
i'm not afraid of dying alone
without any trace of my blood left on this world.
because after all,
i'm going to be buried alone.
all of us will.

i prefer to find the true path.
Jalan yang HAQ.
dedicating my life to send a ray of sunshine in someone's life.
rather to busy with my own life
and personal affair.

ALLAH, lead me the way.
Ameen.

~ending~

2008-03-28T07:14:00.005Z

IT's OvER
to end something that have never even started,
i must be crazy.
but then I am.

I'm ending this sad story
cause it's one-sided anyway
and it never starts.

I'm not going to be mad
it's nobody's fault but mine
it's not your fault
you never show your affection
i'm the one who misunderstood
you never say one word about it
i'm the one who tried so hard
to read between the lines
when actually
there was nothing between them anyway
except for simple interactions between two friends
you never knew
you never know
and you'll never know

I'm the one who had high hopes
I'm the one who prayed
and I'm the only one;
the only one to end the whole thing

I'll pray for your happiness
even though I'm not the one beside you
I'll pray that you'll always be smiling
even though you smile is never mine
but i still wanna see it on your face.
everytime you meet me as a friend.

as for me,
it's time to wake up from dreams and illusions
I'll be strong,
working my way in reality
until the last breath of my soul
till then.

i vow to myself
I'm not going to repeat this same mistake ever again
I'm not going to fall ever again.

Allah, help me.
If i cannot have it on the world
I pray, I'll have a better 'it' in the after-life.

PADI - MENANTI SEBUAH JAWABAN
Category : Lyric

aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu
dan aku tak bisa menyentuh cintamu
seiring jejak kakiku bergetar
aku tlah terpagut oleh cintamu
menelusup hariku dengan harapan
namun kau masih terdiam membisu

reff: sepenuhnya aku ingin memelukmu
mendekap penuh harapan ‘tuk mencintaimu
setulusnya aku akan terus menunggu
menanti sebuah jawaban ‘tuk memilikimu

betapa derunya rindu menusuk jiwaku
semoga kau tahu isi hatiku
dan seiring waktu yang terus berputar
aku masih terhanyut dalam mimpiku

repeat reff

aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu
dan aku tak bisa menyentuh cintamu

~ a hypothesis yet to be proven ~

2008-03-09T13:08:00.005Z

after 7 months trapped, locked in beloved (hated actually) MARA College Banting, i found most of my girlfriends are starting to fall for MCB guys.
you may ask, what's so big deal about it??

Really, MCB guys are the weirdest male species I've ever seen and met in my life.
they love to study, most of the guys study harder than me, doing PureMaths exercises in library almost everyday
while i was playing SUDOKU in my room
are all Medic star-studs like that???
their love to study and be successful shape them into different kind of males,
they're not gentlemen, at all.
i don't know how to expLAIN IT
BUT THE truth IS, most of MCB guys are NERDS and WEIRDOS
my advice to the girls, don't dream of having MCB guys as your hubby
they will love works more than they will love you.
and they are not good-looking.
a female senior was accidentally heard saying:
"MCB guys as a partner for life?? Euuu!! That's so intolerable!!"

Back to the point,
i wonder endlessly, why on Earth would my friends fall for MCB guys?
maybe the girls are lonely,
they are far away from home,
far away from their beloved parents and families
missing their hometown and its people terribly.

they need somebody to ease up their loneliness
and turn to another source of love
and most of them are past 19 years old by now,
so the hormone kicks in
and they start to feel lovey-dovey

but then, the opportunity to observe this phenomenon makes me propose a hypothesis:
when a group of people with both sexes are placed, locked, forced to live in a small, rural, and isolated place,
love will blossom among them.

i tried to propose the theory to my girlfriends,
and most of them agreed with the theory.
as my friend quipped: "It cannot be helped. You have to face the guys everyday. you turn to left, you see him. You turn to the right, you see him again. Of course you'll eventually fall for him."
what the girls said are almost the same as the above.

maybe that's the real reason.

as for me,
my home is nearby,
every fortnight i'll be on my own bed in my father's house.
and i find that it's boring to see the same faces everyday.
if all of them look like kim ki bum or jesse or Hero or Xiah,
then it's fine for me
but they are not.

besides, i have enough love already,
what more can i ask?

for my hypothesis,
care to prove it?

~wind blows~

2008-03-08T19:11:00.003Z

changes are inevitable
people often change because of time and surrounding
more often than not, we tend to change because of people around us,
parents, teachers, friends, partners, lovers and foes.

while most changes are initiated to improve oneself
there are changes that should have never ever taken place.

i changed too,
and still i am.
but then, after months basking in the changing light,
the question raised,
am i changing into a better person?
or into a worse one?
there are a lot of things i would never do in the past
i have done today
like wearing pink........... ahakss....

yes, a lot of improvement in myself,
my communication skills are getting better and better,
i'm more matured (although not up to the par of 19 years-old teen. i'm not 19 yet, anyway)
everyone seems to love me as a friend
maybe not as a foe
coz i talk a lot.

however, i keep on wondering
does Allah love me today more than He did Yesterday?
i don't know.
i really don't know.
perhaps, it is time for me to think about it seriously
and maybe revert back to some of my old qualities.
hopefully, i 'll find the best path for me
God Bless.

~i love this!!!!~

2007-12-25T15:41:00.001Z

~a ReMiNDeR??~

2007-12-23T01:34:00.001Z

i got this somewhere from internet. read on, and you'll learn how loved you are.

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likey turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

~against all odds~

2007-11-20T07:12:00.001Z

these past few days,
i've been through a series of unfortunate events

monday, 12 november
went through the worst english oral test ever!!!
we were asked to give motivational talk to a friend who has body odour problem (???)
huhuhu, how the hell i know what to talk to a stinking person so that he know he stinks?
i'm not a motivator! totally not!!

tuesday, 13 november
non-stop coughing.
i lost my voice, huhuhuhu...........
for a parrot like me, a voice is the most precious thing in this whole world.
and now i lost it!!
thankfully, after 2 drops of robutusin and a drop of dequadin,
my voice decided to return to me.

wednesday, 14 november
suffered from that '***' thing again.
ayark, so painful. i really felt like dying.
why i wasn't born as a guy?????
not to forget that we had to arrange mattresses for rugby tournament at rumah pengetua
and we had the damn leadership programme (i escaped from it, though. tehehe.... slept the whole evening.)

and the worst of all,
the tap water was not running in the toilet!!!
we had to use the toilet downstairs,
the only toilet working properly for the whole block
imagine that....

thursday, 15 november
not able to do malay oral (iop) because one of my friend was absent.
actually both me n my friend were down due to the '***' thing. and another member was having headache. therefore, we sorta planned my friend's absence.
although i was happy because we manage to dodge the test, but i still consider it as a bad experience.
and my stomach kept on aching, damn it.
they haven't fix the toilet yet.........

friday, 16 november
everyone was going home, except for me...... huhuuhuhu......
i could not go home because i've volunteered to help for the rugby tournament.
my father came to give me medicine, and money.
and he brought along tamar (from my mother), a packet of oreo, or precisely, 'sedare oreo', and a packet of NIPS.
i really love my baba n mama!! huhu....
always know what i need in those time without me telling them.
but when my father said he's going back home, i felt so painful.
i wanna go home,
i'm so sick, i have a mouth will ulcers, an unhealthy stomach, a suffering throat half-filled of mucus, and a runny nose.
i wanna go home, i want to cry as long and loud as i please, i want to tell my mother how sick i am.
i want to be comforted, i want to be pampered.
i wanna be home again.

and the toilet............... arghh..... the toilet!!

saturday, 17 november
rugby tournament.
got nothing to do but watch the match.
since i dont understand a thing about the game,
and totally uninterested (they wear tight shorts, ya know. that's disgusting!!)
so i went back to hostel and slept for hours, woke up, did my maths, and fell sleep again, woke up again and did my maths, and slept again.
at least, i've done my homework...
while changing, i forgot to take off my specs,
and one of the nose paddings just........ well, it was broken.
i called my mama to tell her about the specs, she sounded worried,
asking me whether it's ok for me.
she even mentioned about coming to banting from bangi.
i recalled that my baba had already came yesterday,
i dont want to burden him to come over today.
so i said it's ok, just send me my old specs tru my next-door neighbour (who is a teacher here).
the toilet? hurm.... i haven't checked it yet.

sunday, 18 november
my feet slipped accidentally while i was climbing the stairs at hostel
and at the time, i knew that i'm going to fall
the first thing that came up to my mind:
"selamatkan laptop, selamatkan laptop."
i can't recall back how, but somehow i managed to save my laptop from hitting the stairs
but with a HIGHER PRICE!

instead of my body, my cheekbone hit the railing
i was so shocked at that time, so scared that i cried.
i thought that my skin have been torn
that there are blood flowing out
that my face will be scared forever.

fortunately, my classmates @ neighbours (in hostel), ain n fara were there.
they helped me to get up again,
some hostelmates who were there and saw the accident asked about my condition
they told me to put a bottle of cold water at my cheekbone to reduce the inflammation.

back in my room, alone,
i cried while my hands kept on holding the bottle onto my face.
with shivering hands,
i took out my handphone to call my mama,
only to find my handphone blank, with some scratches on the electronic surface.
i've totally forgotten about my handphone which was in my right pocket as i fell.
it must had hit the stairs.

somehow, i managed to call home,
with tears i told mama what had happened,
i really wanna go home. huhuhu...........
my mother tried her best to calm me down.
and when i told her about my hp,
she said it's okay,
as long as i'm fine, i'm not hurt.
and she told me to be patient.
Allah loves patient people.
huhuhu.....
i really wanna go home.

and the tap water still wasn't running in the toilet............

but during the bad days, the stormy days,
i realized how much my parent love me
starting thursday to tuesday, my mama called me everyday, asking how do i feel that day.
am i sick, or hurt?
do i need anything?
and my father,
willing to come all the way from bangi to banting,
just to send me medicine, money, sedare oreo n nips.

i truly love my mama n baba
nobody can replace them,
not even kim ki bum.

"between reality and illusion

2007-10-06T04:56:00.001+01:00

in the IB programme, we have TOK lesson which stand for
THEORY OF KNOWLEDGE
souns cool huh?
basically, it's a subject that require one to think
when i said (wrote) THINK,
i terribly mean it!!

the main purpose of studying TOK is to make sure that a student will think about everything
before accepting it whole-heartedly.
it's really differ with Sistem PElajaran Malaysia
totally two different things.

as far as i remember,
during the sweet school years,
you musn't ask why things like that; why is it like this;
just accept it,no need to chew, just gulped it down.
and throw it into your exam papers.

but then in TOK,
you have to ask everything you can.
among the questions asked:
what's knowledge?
which come first; data or knowledge? wisdom or knowledge?
what is language?
is traffic sign is also a type of language?

and the most DISTURBING of all the time;
my favourite question;
HOW DO YOU KNOW THE WORLD YOU LIVE IN IS THE REALITY AND NOT JUST IN YOUR DREAM?
it's DAMN hard to answer this question!!

i hate Descartes for starting this question!
well, actually i've been thinking about that question long before i studied TOK
but i hate him for causing it to rise into the surface
forcing me think about it thoroughly
unlike before, i just brushed it off out of my mind

who's Descartes, you may ask.
Descartes is a sceptic, an extreme one
he ask a lot of question that normal peole won't think of
(well, since i've also thought about his questions then i'm an extreme sceptic too?)

and for the answer of the question above;
hE just conclude it by this:
Cogito ergo sum - I think, therefore I am

which means, he believes that he's in reality because he's thinking about it

may i ask you Mr Descartes, how sure are you that you're thinking?

so the questions remain with me for days
causing my head to ache everytime then.
i look up to the sky,
trying to find the answer.
is it really sky that i'm looking?
is it really blue?
or it's just my imagination?
that i'm actually still in dreams?
then what's life but only dreams?
what are actuallly people around me if i'm just living in dreams?
do i realy know them?

but then one day,
i suffered those cramps again
it was damn painful,
i felt like crying shamelessly in public
but still, i kept my face straight
until i was in my room.
then i realized,
this is my reality,
if it was just a dream,
i wont feel the killing pain.
i wont suffer it tremendously.

well, at last i've recognised my reality.
this is the reality,
that i'm hamba Allah,
that i'm under HIS power,
that i'm still walking on this Earth biznillah.

and that i have Ma n Ba whom i love so much,
i have my beloved sisters, n bro.
that i'm still studying in this boring place.
that i have to brace myself for the future.

but who cares?
at least i know that i live in reality
and i have to work hard for it
DUNIA dan AKHIRAT bahagia,
INSYA-ALLAH

Rabbana atina fiddunya hasanah wafil-akhirati hasanah, waqina 'azabannar. Ameen.

~love in the air~

2007-09-23T14:53:00.002+01:00

how do you define real love?

to all girls out there,
most of you claim that u've been in love at least once
then may i ask u a question?

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT U'RE TOTALLY IN LOVE?

is it because each time your eyes meet his,
your heartbeat becomes fast?

or whenever he's around,
you can feel your face is warmer than usual?

or when u see him looking at you,
you will act more lady-like than you actually do?

or when he talks,
you try so hard to make him know you understand his words?

and most of the time,
ladies always try to show the best side of them
(which is actually non-existant)
whenever their crush is around.

true huh?

then, i'm telling you,
that i love this person,
love her very much.

but whenever our eyes meet,
my heartbeat is calmer than usual

and when she's around,
its not my face that feels warm,
it's the heart.

and when i see her looking at me,
i still act like myself
(unless i'm doing some crimes, HAHAHA)

and when she talks,
i'll tell her directly if i dont understand.

and of all the time i stand beside her,
i always show my true nature.

she's my true love,
my mother.

so do you think you really fall in love with the guys?
perhaps it's just some sort of INFATUATION.

because you will never feel uneasy around your love,
well, unless u've done something wrong to them of course.

love should make you happy,
love should make you feel safe and protected.

lust makes you cried,
lust makes you feel insecure.

is it love or lust?

*attention to fellow human!!
the meaning of LUST is actually INNOCENT ENJOYMENT.
but as time goes by, the meaning changes into the meaning that we use today."